Dreamgenii Pregnancy Pillow Review

If you’ve been following me a while you’ll know I’ve mentioned that I suffered with SPD in my pregnancy with Archer and my subsequent pregnancy with Harry. I’m actually still feeling the effects of my pregnancy with Harry- I still can’t sleep with my knees together and have to use my pregnancy pillow or my pelvis aches and I physically can’t move without help or it’s agony.

I spent the first four to five months of Harry’s pregnancy slowing stealing cushions from around the house in a rather awful attempt at getting comfy. Jack ended up with less than the bare minimum amount of space and I still wasn’t comfy (and neither was the sofa once I started to pilfer those cushions too).

I was kindly offered a Dream Genii pillow to try. This pregnancy pillow is designed with safe sleeping (on your left side) and pelvis aches in mind. The long front side runs along your stomach, between your knees, and you sleep on your left in the small flat section of fabric. The smaller pillow rests on your back and means you can rest assured that you won’t be rolling onto your back in your sleep.

If you’ve ever rolled onto your back in pregnancy you’ll know that it can make you feel quite sick as everything gets compressed with the weight of your bump- knowing I couldn’t roll was great and actually I did lean back a fair bit into it which gave me the “illusion” of laying back which I always found comfier.

It was like sleeping in a hug- something I emotionally declared to Jack after I finally managed a decent nights sleep after weeks of discomfort. I felt so physically supported and I genuinely couldn’t have slept without my by the end of pregnancy as my SPD had gotten so bad.

Jack appreciated the fact the extra ten cushions were relieved on their duty in the bed, and he was able to get in. He was also grateful that I was held in place as I slept so I couldn’t toss and turn or kick him with my discomfort as much as I had before (I did still attempt to aim a good kick at him if he snored).

I only invested in a cheap V shaped pillow my last two pregnancies and I don’t know how I managed to survive without the Dream Genii. I highly recommend it to anyone newly pregnant and especially anyone with SPD / PGP.


This product was sent to me in exchange for this review. All opinions are my own.

Harry’s Birth Story!

I’m extremely pleased to let you know that our wonderful son Harry Jack was born on the 27th November! He’s seven weeks old tomorrow and I’ve been absent from the blog just soaking him in and trying to find a new normal with THREE children (aka I haven’t slept in months and I have been far too tired to find time to write...)

So here we go with the birth story- it’ll be fairly long winded so make yourself a cup of tea and be warned there may be some intimate or graphic details!

I’d been having contractions on and off for around a week starting at 38/39 weeks pregnant, but they never properly hurt and the pattern always dissipated after around two hours of them being every ten minutes. How frustrating right?

On the 26th November, I was two days away from my due date and beginning to wonder if I’d go overdue for the first time. Everyone had said Harry would be far earlier, including my midwife, but there was no sign. Funnily enough, we’d joked that if I waited until the end of Jack’s working day on this date, he’d get to be off until just after Christmas which was all we’d hoped for! Jack text me at 5:30 to remind me of this “deal” and I replied that I’d actually had some cramps walking Isla home from school, but nothing major and that I believed it would stop again as usual.

It didn’t, but the pain didn’t ramp up. I was having a mild pain every 7-12 minutes lasting just under a minute, but mostly I just had a really heavy ache in my lower back that wouldn’t go away which made it feel a bit different in comparison to the cramps I’d had all week. I know now that Harry was back to back for a while which explained the back ache! I was experiencing back labour and would for the entire ordeal.

It got to around 7:30pm and it hadn’t got any worse but also not stopped. Jack asked if we should drop the children where they were to stay while I was at hospital but I said no. I was sure if I got my hopes up, I’d jinx myself and it would all stop. Despite my denial, Jack called to warn everyone and sent the children to bed. I had a soak in the bath to see if it would go away and it still didn’t, so I agreed we should prepare just in case and I finished the last minute bits for the bags.

I spent a lot of the evening on my CUB cube trying to ease my back discomfort and timing the tightening sensation. I got to around 10pm and admitted to Jack that they were *maybe* real as they’d got to 5-6 minutes apart... of course I was still in denial as I didn’t want to let everyone down with a false alarm, but Jack took the children off just in case.

Once Jack was back, I called the hospital who told me it sounded like early early labour at most and that I should call back when the pains were properly regular or actually hurting. I sobbed, convinced it was all fake because of that.

I went to bed around 11:30pm and tried to sleep sporadically. The pains didn’t wake me, but the constant back ache did cause me to only half sleep or doze.

2:15am (or thereabouts) I woke up suddenly feeling moist. I still wasn’t convinced- I’d been to the hospital in the last week as the midwife thought I was leaking amniotic fluid but it was just a lot of discharge and other lovely pregnancy things... what if this was the same? I sat up in bed and said I’d go bounce on the CUB cube and see if anything else came out.

I sat texting my friend Chrissy to update her, as nothing else had come out and Jack was making his way downstairs when the waters properly broke. It was 2:33am and I stood on the carpet and soaked through my pajamas bottoms. You know in movies when a woman leaks entire puddles in huge gushes? Midwives say it rarely happens... well it happened to me with Isla and it certainly happened this time.

I had to get changed twice and all of a sudden the pains began to hurt. This was expected for me as none of my contractions hurt during the other labours until my waters broke. They still were not regular or “screaming pain” but as my waters needed checking, the labour ward said to come in.

We got there around 3:30am (after lots of yelling at Jack as he tried to drive calmly, sorry) and I instantly asked for a water birth. I had an epidural with the last two and I wanted to *try* without but I also anticipated I’d likely wimp out and beg for one after a while, and I hoped the water would help ease my SPD pain.

I got to the room with the tub and it was confirmed my waters were definitely broken (I did waddle in with towels between my legs, still gushing every few minutes) and I was checked- 0cm, 0% effaced and not even a little bit of engagement. I had made literally zero progress and my contractions weren’t regular enough or long enough to class as proper labour. Inductions the next day were mentioned, but I asked for a chance to relax and I was told I’d have a couple of hours to see if I could progress.

At 5:00am, I was sore and moaning, but I wasn’t “in labour” so the midwife wouldn’t give me any pain relief besides paracetamol and I still wasn’t getting regular contractions. I started feeling very stressed and the pains were further apart than before as a result but seemed to hurt more. I asked to come out the tub and I kept going to the loo to try and wee, I desperately felt like I needed to wee! When I got back, I was checked again and was still exactly as I had been two hours before. She said I’d maybe need to go home, but I begged to stay.

Id originally told Jack to get a three hour parking ticket so we could stay a while, but he got the two hour which meant while it was agreed I could stay, he had to pop down at 5:30am to change the ticket.

At this point, I was back in the tub but the midwife couldn’t trace Harry’s heart properly so I had to get out. While out, I didn’t have the water to ease the pain and my back and pelvis were in agony. I asked for pain relief again and was offered pethidine. I had this with Isla and while it didn’t take the pain away, it did make me space out and dizzy so I wasn’t fully focused on it, so I agreed to give it a go.

I had the injection at 5:45 and asked how long it would take to kick in- she said it would begin to work in around twenty minutes. I asked for an epidural after about ten minutes as I couldn’t handle the constant back pain- I was told no. I held my eyes shut, and with every pain I began to think over and over again “twenty minutes and it will stop” like an obsessive mantra, even when the twenty minutes passed. I had a little spaced out relief but it quickly wore off.

The midwife came back in around 6:20am and checked Harry’s heart and put monitors on me. My contractions were not regular but they were making his heart jump up and down, so she broadcast them to the doctors and told me I had to roll over. I was in pain and I kept telling her I couldn’t move.

My back started to arch, and I couldn’t stop it. I felt my body violently pushing. The midwife told me to stop it and roll over as Harry’s heart rate started dropping and rising even more. Jack said it was going as low as 80, before jumping back up to 180. I couldn’t move, I was pushing.

“My body is doing things I can’t stop” I said, of course I pushed with epidurals last time so this was a fully new sensation. I screamed in pain and they tried to shove me over on my side. I didn’t even notice the alarm being pulled and a team rushed in.

The midwife told me not to push. I panicked- was my involuntary pushing making his heart hurt? Was I hurting the baby? I couldn’t be pushing- I’d not progressed at all and I had no regular pains!

The midwife checked, and very surprised, exclaimed I was suddenly already 8cm and to stop pushing. I asked for gas and air and screamed “am I in labour now?!” as they handed it to me. I had one pull before deciding it was too much effort to stop pushing and inhale at the same time and threw it at whoever was nearest to me (sorry Jack).

Seconds later, less than a minute after being told not to push, I said “he’s coming” and then I don’t really remember anything but pain.

My recorded active labour was 4 minutes, and Harry was born so quickly they said his side effects from being born were essentially the same as a c-section baby- he hadn’t been compressed by the birth canal at all. His elbows were by his head and he came out with such large force that they bruised from being forced out so fast. His cord was around his neck so tight (this was the cause of his heart rate jumping) that he had a curly shaped bruise around his neck for days after being born.

One minute I was screaming and the next I sort of came back around from the “out of body” way I felt and I asked where Harry was. Jack said they had to “sort him out” a bit to make him cry but it all happened so fast. I was in too much shock to take much in, so Harry was given to Jack while I was sorted out by the doctors.

Harry was born very suddenly at 6:35am weighing 9lb11. For the record, the three hour parking ticket I’d asked for? It would’ve expired at 6:30am and Jack would have missed it all as it happened so fast!

My active labour with a Archer was 20 minutes and I’d warned the midwife it would happen all at once, but she kept telling me third babies are almost always the longest- I think I shocked them all and once I was settled and sorted I apologised for all the yelling but did smugly say “I told you so!”

I’m sure I’ve missed loads of details here and there. It was all very shocking and being honest I felt very uncomfortable and traumatised by it all for weeks - I still do a little now.

I’d do it all again for our little Harry though.

37 and 38 Weeks- Pregnancy Update

We’re well and truly into the “any minute!” phase of pregnancy now. Throw the bags by the door, make sure you’ve shaved your legs and get the panic stations ready! It’s go time! Or... that’s what everyone had me believing at 37 weeks. Writing this right now I’m actually 38+5 and I am the most pregnant I have ever been and I’m so unreasonably annoyed by that fact!

I’ll begin with my 37 week appointment. I’d last seen the midwife at 35 weeks and there had been zero sign of anything happened of course- you aren’t considered early term till 37 weeks. At the 37 week appointment I did mention to her that for a few days I’d had some light spotting but I wasn’t worried (though ANY bleeding in pregnancy should always be checked - always tell your midwife or consultant!) and that he felt lower than usual. She palpated my stomach and declared his head was beginning to engage 1/5 of the way down and that most third babies don’t do this till you’re close to giving birth. After a quick measure and a glance at my birth history, she confidently told me she doubted I’d make it to my 39 week appointment and he’d probably come soon.

Well of course I’ve been obsessed with every fart and stomach rumble since that day. I’ve had every labour sign you can google and more. Has he come? Of course not.

It isn’t just the midwife. Everyone is aware I had my last two at 37 and 38 weeks - even though Archer was an induction and doesn’t count - and so everyone has been on edge expecting me to have had him by now. Where’s the baby? Have you had him yet? He will *definitely* be here by the weekend! Spoiler: he wasn’t.

I sound cross and I am- I feel like everyone got my hopes up, including myself. It doesn’t help that I’ve had regular occurrences of prodromal labour (real early contractions that come and go daily without becoming active labour) with some pains genuinely taking my breath away and lasting hours regularly. Every twinge has me wondering if it’s finally go time....

It’s a torturous time. I have no idea when things will happen, or how they’ll happen. I’m on google more than I ever have been and I can’t help obsessing over it. You can tell me to relax but it’s one of the most life changing intense things a woman goes through- I can’t help but feel like my brain revolves around it all. I know reading and wondering won’t make it come any quicker but it gives me a sense of control in a fully uncomfortable and uncontrollable time.

So... baby is fine. He’s pretty low but he seems comfortable and I’m none the wiser. He could come when I finish writing this, or I may even go full term for the first time! Other than the frustration of the unknown and obvious discomforts, there isn’t much else to say except that I can’t wait to meet him. 

(And you’ll be proud to know, at 37 weeks and 2 days I finally bothered to pack the hospital bag!)

36 Weeks- Pregnancy Update

It’s been a few weeks. Admittedly I’ve had things I’d like to write about but I just haven’t had the energy! Pregnancy is officially kicking my butt and I’ve gone from not really caring when I give birth, to wanting this baby out as soon as healthily possible because I am done!

I’m currently in week 36 which means “full term” really is on the horizon. They say 37 weeks is when baby is developed enough to be born, and labour really does become any minute from that point. I had Archer at exactly 37+1 but that was induction as a result of my SPD. I had isla at 38+1 which is good for a first baby so I’m hoping this baby follows trend. Part of me is relieved to have made it to the end but the truthful part is, who knows when the end really is?

People have began asking me in the street “when is baby coming?” but no answer seems satisfactory. I say “the end of November!” and I’m met with comments about how I must be wrong because that’s so long away and I’ve looked ready to burst for weeks and Baby is just *so low*. If I say “I don’t know!” which is actually the only truthful answer because due dates are nonsense and better ignored, people look at me like I’m crazy for not knowing. I’ve even answered “any time from 1-5 weeks from now!” which allows for birth between 37-42 weeks and again I’m looked at like I’m insane. It’s gotten me quite cross as I realise I’m counting down for absolutely no reason because nothing is certain. 

Ranting about the undefinable countdown to getting this baby out aside, as I said I am done with pregnancy and I’ve remembered exactly how much it is rubbish at the end. I’m currently host to a wiggly squirmy entity who makes me cry if I don’t eat every half an hour but when I do eat I don’t have room for more than a few bites before I’m done. I’m also host to a haemorrhoid so large I’m worried the baby will think it’s his mother instead of me and honestly sitting down has become a literal pain in the bum. The worst part is I’m so upset about it making me walk like I’ve had an accident that I’m happy to tell everyone and their mum about it just so they don’t think I’ve had an accident... 

Nesting is gearing up and this week I scrubbed some mildew marks off a wall and windowsill in my bedroom so hard that I stripped some paint off- but who cares, it’ll look so much better for the baby right? I had the uncontrollable urge to sleep for days after such a hard activity so the rest of the house is a state, but the wall is clean so it’s okay. 

I think it’s sort of clear I’m not having fun anymore. I’ve been having a lot of braxton hicks contractions and every now and then one will hurt a little in my back or make it harder to breathe which has me a little hopeful that my body is getting ready for the big day. I’ve also had a couple of tiny spots of red/pink in the last week which could be my cervix softening which is also a great sign. 

I’ll probably look back on this pregnancy fondly. I’m so grateful everything is healthy with baby and of course that I am pregnant at all... so I feel bad for moaning so much. It’s just one of the absolute toughest thing a body goes through and with the SPD and swelling and contractions and lack of sleep I’m turning into a beast. I’ve shouted at Jack more in the last week than I count and I can’t even remember why! Sorry Jack. 

1-5 weeks to go! Haha. 

The urge to nest in pregnancy

I’ve mentioned a few times in previous posts that strangely I have had little urge to actually get “ready” for baby number three. Of course it’s something I want to do and will do, but there has been little urgency and I’ve been exceptionally relaxed about it all compared to when I was pregnant with Isla and Archer.

With Isla, I had the nursery painted and put together around 2-3 months before she was due. By 32 weeks I had a fully stocked hospital bag complete with an instruction list for the last minute things to be picked up and where they would be. I was reorganising and repacking everything in her bag and room for weeks and the night before I went into labour I spent ages folding all her sleepsuits again. The urge to nest was overwhelming (although unfortunately for Jack it didn’t stretch to me actually doing much cleaning, just a lot of fussing with baby things haha). 

With Archer, having the pelvis issues, I got his room put together at 28 weeks. By 30 weeks, all his things were washed and organised and his room was ready to go. Of course, as I did with Isla, I spent a lot of unnecessary time in there fussing over it all. I had my hospital bag done by 32 weeks, and again I spent a lot of time writing lists and planning it and reorganising it over and over again to be the most efficient bag it could be. This was only fuelled by the fact I was induced as I had a lot more time to plan for specific dates and even prepare overnight bags for Isla. Again, I didn’t branch too far into tidying (I was too sore and in the wheelchair by the end!) but I would try as much as I could because I didn’t want the baby to come home to clutter. 

This third time around, as I said, I’ve been ridiculously relaxed. I’m about to hit 34 weeks and I’ve only just started to feel any urge to get it all done. Of course, frustratingly, now that I feel that nesting desire I can’t actually do anything to appease it.

Our third bedroom had a leak when we moved in and the wallpaper has always been a state (Archer admittedly made the loose parts worse) and being rented there wasn’t much we could do until the landlord agreed it would be good to redo the room. Thankfully she did give the go ahead and we have decorators plastering and sorting it all out. They’ve been here a week and should hopefully be done soon which is a relief as my house is full of misplaced furniture and boxes of new things for the baby. 

Once they’re done, I’m going to try and get it all sorted ASAP. I feel as though once that’s done I’ll be able to begin hospital bags and folding clothes and fussing again. It’s increasingly anxiety inducing knowing I can’t do it yet, but at the same time part of me is still relaxed and tempted to just pack the moment I go into labour. 

Luckily for Jack I actually have the urge to clean as well. This weekend he helped me do a big detail clean in the kitchen and he’s been down at floor level where I can’t go (without getting stuck that is) emptying and tidying the kitchen cupboards for me. I’ve also been fussing over the bathroom being as clean as possible (what if I go into labour on the loo and the ambulance comes in and sees a smeary mirror?!) and ensuring the carpet in the living room is clean. 

I’ve heard some women are up in the middle of the night cleaning and painting and organising things to a crazy extent... personally, as much as my skirting boards could use a wipe sometimes, I enjoy what little sleep I can get far too much for that nonsense. 

Did you do anything crazy when you nested? Or did you find yourself more relaxed with subsequent pregnancies? I’d love to know!

33 Weeks- Pregnancy Update

I wonder if I’m writing far too much about pregnancy sometimes on this little blog of mine, but the fact is pregnancy literally takes over nearly every aspect of life.

I’m 33 weeks now, and it’s nearly all I can think about. It’s a big change considering a month or so ago I was worried that I was too switched off from it all and dismissive. I was actually forgetting I was pregnant sometimes.

I’m obsessing over the baby’s bedroom and his furniture. We’ve been waiting for the decorators to come in and do some work and we’ve had to fully empty what is currently Archer’s room for them, so the entire house is in disarray. That didn’t stop me going to Ikea because I simply couldn’t wait any longer and buying all his things to go in there once we reassemble the room. Of course my pregnant brain glossed over the fact I couldn’t actually build the furniture or store it anywhere so my living room is now full of unopened boxes in top of the million packages of baby things I haven’t got a home for yet.

I’ve also began getting the occasional “nesting” panic. I was cleaning the bathroom a few days ago and began worrying about the few mildew spots in the sealing around the bath and the fact the gaps between the tiles aren’t properly white anymore. When will I wash and organise his clothes if the decorators don’t hurry up? Will be have to be naked if he’s born before then? This is all illogical thinking of course because I have seven weeks. Relax Steph. Perhaps I was better off not caring so much about the prep!

Physically I’m not amazing. The SPD is of course still an annoyance and I still can’t push myself too much or I’ll be in pain the next day or so and unable to do anything- I actually just got an exciting product designed especially for helping with SPD which I’ll be sharing soon, hopefully it helps. Round ligament pain is irritating me in the night too which has made moving in bed in general nearly impossible without a lot of effort and grunting... sorry Jack. It’s generally worse when I need to pee as it adds weight and pressure to everything, but needing to pee is exactly why I need to move to get out of bed and of course I can’t move because of it all.... it’s a very annoying cycle.

I’m moaning so much about it all. I do enjoy being pregnant, I just don’t particularly enjoy the fact my body just doesn’t seem to cope with pregnancy. It’s disheartening to see women about to give birth who can still jog or exercise or just bend over in general when my body seems to have struggled physically all three times. I understand some people have it worse, but that doesn’t make me feel better. At least I can say I’ve officially passed the milestone I ended up in a wheelchair last time!

Baby is doing well. He kicks regularly and he seems to be getting quite heavy now. Favouring head down, he spends a lot of time massaging my lungs with his feet which is the absolute worst so of course I give him a shove because I do need to breathe actually mate! I just can’t wait to meet him.

7 weeks to go!

Ten baby boy names we love but won’t be using!

We picked a name for baby number three when I was around 18 weeks pregnant. We’d found out we were having a boy at 16 weeks and had been discussing names for both boys and girls long before we knew! It took a lot longer for us to pick Archer’s name than it did for this little one, and I’m pretty sure (if my baby brain serves me well) that I was suggesting Isla from 13 weeks onwards.

Friends and family do know his name but I likely won’t be sharing it on my blog or social media until he’s born. There’s always the tiniest chance we will change our minds once he’s here and it’s quite fun keeping one aspect secret when I’m usually so public with everything else. 

With that said, here are ten baby boy names either myself or Jack liked that we will not be using!

1. Ozzy

Jack absolutely loved the idea of Ozzy (yes, as in osbourne) and he nearly had me for a minute before I decided it sounded too much like a pets name. I considered it as a nickname for something like Oscar but he vetoed that idea. 

2. Bowie

Can you see a theme? We’re both massive music nerds and this one was my idea. I even considered it for Archer, or a shortened version/homage “Beau” but Jack wasn’t keen as it would likely be mispronounced, just like David Bowie himself used to complain about. 

3. Forest

This was another of mine. I thought it sounded really outdoorsy and rustic, just like Archer. I got Robin Hood vibes with the duo! Of course, one mention of Forest Gump had me and Jack change our minds instantly. I still think it’s a lovely name but I couldn’t personally shake the association. 

4. Michael

Jack suggested this name a lot for Archer. He thought it went well with our surname, but I’ve always disliked the shortened version of “Mike” so I just couldn’t go with it. 

5. Finn 

One of my top names last time and this time. I don’t know why but I just think it’s a really sweet name... but it didn’t seem right. There wasn’t a particular reason, except it sounding like it suited him or our family. 

6. Henry

This was my favourite, besides Bowie. I love the name Henry and I think it ages exceptionally well, as well as being cute and suited for a little toddler. It was all too odd though seeing as Jack’s best friend and the children’s “godfather” is called Henry. 

7. Charlie 

I suggested this one and just like the name Henry, Jack has a very close friend with this name so again he didn’t like the idea of using it! I know some people don’t mind this sort of thing but it just doesn’t sit properly with us. 

8. Jacob

I love this name! I don’t even know why but it’s definitely always been high on my list. Jack didn’t even hate it and I sort of loved how similar it was to his own name... until Jack suggested that he liked the shortened “Jake” which I actually couldn’t stand for some reason which struck it off my suggestion list pretty quickly. 

9. David

We both liked David when I was pregnant with Archer. Again, it was an homage to David Bowie in my eyes and Jack likes “normal” sounding names. It was a big contender for our boys until Jack started putting on what I can only describe as a “pub voice” and calling the babies Baby Dave! It was funny for a moment but it became too much of a joke for me to to take the name seriously anymore. 

10. George 

I pushed for this name almost till the minute before we decided on Archer during my second pregnancy. It came up again this time but I wasn’t as passionate about it... it took me a while to get over the fact Jack wouldn’t agree to it back then (although it definitely wouldn’t have suited Archer in hindsight!) so maybe I’d just let the idea of a son called George go?

I don’t think there’s a thing wrong with any of these names, don’t get me wrong! They’re actually some of our favourites. It’s just so hard to find the name that really fits with baby and with the family... With that said I’m ridiculously happy with what we’ve picked and I can’t wait to share it with the world!

Which baby names would you have put on your top ten?

New Baby Brother- Do they understand?

In a little over a month, I’ll be classed as full term and really getting things sorted for baby number three. It’s obvious by my blooming bump that I’m very pregnant and the house is full of baby talk.

With that in mind I’ve started to wonder how well my children understand what is going on. Do they really *get* how much it’s going to change when their new brother is here? Do they understand he will be with us forever?

When I was pregnant with Archer, Isla was under two and she had an exceptional grasp on language. Through conversations and explanations she seemed to really know what was what. If asked, she would explain about mummy going to the hospital, and that the baby would come out of her tummy and that he was a brother. I did sometimes question if she understood or if she was just parroting the things we have told her, but in the end she adjusted ridiculously well and very quickly.

Now that she’s four, of course she has a much better understanding of the world, and having gone through getting a new sibling before I do think she’s prepared but perhaps not mentally or emotionally... it’s a lot to take in and maybe just talking about it will never be enough. Though she understands it might still be a shock and a big change to the dynamics she is used to. I hope she adjusts as quickly as she did last time.

Archer is older than Isla was during my last pregnancy but he doesn’t have the same grasp on language she had. He talks well for his age and listens well but she was more advanced. As he doesn’t speak as much as she did, it’s sometimes hard to work out how much he is taking in. He’s naturally quieter and thinks about things a lot. I do talk to him about it all and ask him questions and while he responds most of the time, he does get bored of the topic quite fast and ignore me!

When we went to our 4D scan (you can read about that here) he did suddenly seem to associate us talking about “baby brother” with my growing stomach which has been a big breakthrough. He likes to hug my tummy and kiss it and if we ask about baby brother he knows where he is. We’ve also got a few of our scan photos around which he calls by the baby’s name.

I suppose we will just have to wait and see if his association switches from photos and a baby bump to the actual baby once he is here!

They both love babies so I’m not worried too much about whether or not they’re “ready” as I think that will just develop once he’s here. Until then we are just continuing talking about it all as much as we can and we’ve been reading stories that include babies, as well as talking about baby brother every time we buy something for him.

How did you get your little ones ready for a new arrival? I’d love to hear any advice or experiences you’ve had. 

32 Weeks- Pregnancy Update

Let me preface this post with the following statement: I love/hate my iron pills.

I’ve been taking them for two weeks now, and the difference is ridiculous. I didn’t realise how tired and miserable and just *done* I felt until they made me feel a bit better. Anyone who has had anemia knows how horrible it is- it shouldn’t be taken lightly and brushed off as normal pregnancy exhaustion and I couldn’t even climb the stairs in one go- but honestly even just two weeks of these pills and I’m a different person.

The side effect of iron... not so good. Let’s just say my poop is not nice... it’s green and very often (though for some, its a once a week treat) and I’ve nearly been caught short on my waddle home from taking Isla to school. The pills are also causing a huge amount of heartburn as I’ve been taking them with a little orange juice as recommended. To counteract the heartburn, I take antacids. They contain calcium that stops the iron being properly absorbed as well as it should - it’s all a very dull cycle, so the midwife has told me I can cut down to two a day till a few weeks postpartum. 

Back to the general pregnancy though! I’m 32 weeks today. The home stretch is flying by and absolutely nothing is ready, yay! We have the majority of the things we wanted and needed for him and I’m really excited to share it all with you, but nothing is actually ready, it’s all just stacked in my living room. We’re waiting for the builders to come and fix up the back bedroom before we buy our storage bits or set up. Thankfully they’re coming on Monday so I’m feeling confident we will get it done. 

Maybe it’s a third baby thing... I feel the urge to nest and get ready but I’m being patient as I know I can’t. It’s a strange comparison to the last two where everything (even my bag for hospital!) was done by this point.

I do feel more well in myself. It’s a huge relief. The SPD though? That’s getting worse. I’m needing a long hot bath with salts nearly every other night just to relieve some of the pain and pressure from my pelvis and even moving slightly too fast has me crying out in pain, worrying anyone who hears. I’m doing what I can to not just tough it out and I’m still not as bad as last time (by this week of pregnancy I couldn’t go out without a wheelchair) so the midwife is happy to ignore the topic of induction so I can stay under her care instead of moving to a consultant. 

Yes it’s a little miserable. I can’t carry my son. I can cook and do dishes and tidy, but slowly and with rests during even the smallest jobs. I can’t roll over in bed without sounding like a cow mooing in pain. I’m coping though and I’m happy to carry on for the next 8ish weeks!

Finally, baby is doing well! We had a couple of days over the last week where I noticed his movements reduced/changed and I’ve kept in touch with the midwife and know if it happens much more, to head in and get a more in depth check. I’d always rather go in and be told it was nothing, than not go in and have something be wrong! 

He’s growing on the 90th line still, and I’m sure he’s going to come out covered in hair because of the amount of heartburn he causes. 

8 more weeks!

30 Weeks- Pregnancy Update

Thirty weeks pregnant! The ten week countdown begins- of course that’s with the assumption I give birth on my due date, which is unlikely. Isla was born at 38 weeks and Archer at 37, and my poor sister is currently nearly two weeks overdue. So really, it’s a pointless countdown but one I’ll participate in anyway! Yay!

I skipped my 29 week update because I’ve been feeling absolutely awful. I did have a check up on the day I turned 29 weeks with the midwife, but there wasn’t much to update on until my blood results came back. 

Recently I’ve been feeling very run down- normal in pregnancy to an extent, but I mean to the point where climbing the stairs had me breathless and resting before I even reached the top. At only 29 weeks when it started, how was I supposed to last till 40? I’ve also had horrendous restless legs. All my muscles seize up and I find myself kicking out involuntarily and unable to sit still for more than a few minutes at a time... it’s been driving Jack insane as he’s taking the brunt of most kicks in bed!

The most concerning symptom I had with all of this has been my resting heart rate. I feel breathless for no reason, and my heart starts to pound and my BPM have been up to 120 when I’m doing nothing at all. The answer here was pretty clear- anaemia. I had it with Isla and highly suspected I have it again, and I was right. My levels have dropped from 126/L to 105/L. While not exceptionally low, it’s low for me and I’m now taking iron supplements and I have to keep an eye on the breathless/heart pounding feeling in case it relates to anything worse. 

Other than that, I’m feeling mostly well in myself and trying not to let it get me down. The SPD is still creeping up on me but I’m thankfully educated enough to keep it manageable- you can read an update on that here. 

I had my first bump measurement at 29 weeks! I measured the 91st percentile with Isla and the 50th with Archer (and those numbers translated exactly to them at birth!) so I was weirdly excited to see how this little one is doing. I measured exactly 29cm at 29 weeks meaning he isn’t big or small, but it did line up to the 90th line on the chart- I’ll see over the coming appointments if he stays on that line. 

It’s been getting me down a lot that the little complications are coming up. Compared to my last two pregnancies, this one has mostly been easy so far but as I approach the end it is getting more tricky. I struggle with basic daily tasks without feeling sore or exhausted to the point of tears and I know it’s having a strain on Jack to do so much to help when he also works full time. Thankfully he understands, but it doesn’t make me feel less guilty. 

Hopefully with these pills I pick up in the next few weeks and can cope a little better!

4D Baby Scan with Window to the Womb- Milton Keynes [Review]

If you’d asked me back during my first pregnancy if I’d consider a 4D pregnancy scan, I’d have told you no. Admittedly, I’d always been sceptical about them and found them a bizarre concept- why not just have the NHS scans and be happy with those?

This opinion was completely changed for me when I asked Jack back at 14 weeks if we could book in for an early gender scan. I explained to him that I was impatient to find out and that it was something I’d like to try, and he was on board. We went to the Milton Keynes Branch of Window To The Womb at 16 weeks and found out our third baby is a boy! They did a sneak peek of the 4D setting and even back then, you could really see detail... look how he was all curled up with his hands pressed on his face!

I’ve been debating going for the full 4D for a while- then I was very kindly offered the Very Important Baby package by the team at Window To The Womb in Milton Keynes and of course I was thrilled to accept and see our littlest boy again.

One of the best things about the scans here is the fact you can bring up to five guests. Understandably the NHS scans are in the hospital, so it is just mum and one other person in attendance, but having these scans at Window To The Womb meant I could get my children involved. It’s worth baring in mind that these scans still are primarily diagnostic and used for checking the well-being of both mum and baby before moving into gender and imagery, but as I said, as it isn’t a hospital setting you can bring your family!

Both Isla and Archer absolutely loved seeing “baby brother” for our gender scan so they were thrilled to be invited back to see what he looked like. It’s the perfect early bonding experience for them. 

When you first arrive at the clinic, you’re warmly welcomed by the staff who sign you in and invite you to take a seat. Pregnant women rejoice, the sofas are ridiculously comfortable and the atmosphere is so relaxed and pleasant, it really adds to the excitement and joy you feel waiting to see baby. There’s even a fully stocked waiting room/playroom for those with children which means they’re kept nice and entertained while the staff help you fill in a couple of routine forms.

Window To The Womb offers a variety of different scan packages, but as I said we were booked in to the Very Important Baby scan which would include:

-100% longer 4D scan (than the lower package)
-Six full colour photo prints
-Two larger full colour photo prints
-Full movie of our scan
-Two photo keyrings
-Gender confirmation (99% accurate, and baby is still a boy!)
-All images digitally available on the Bumpies App (you receive a code which you can also share -with friends and family who download the app!)
-Well-being check and report
-Free rescan if baby does not cooperate

They say that the best time to have this scan is between 27-30 weeks pregnant as baby is chubby enough to look like a proper baby in photos, but not so big that they’re all squashed up and unable to wiggle into a better position. 

Thankfully our little one was very cooperative- he began with his hand pressed up against his face (just as he was when we saw him at 16 weeks- oh my heart!) but with a little wiggling and a change of my position we were all able to see him properly. The scan is so realistic it genuinely blew my mind, and I can’t believe how “real” he is in there. 

Jack and the children got to sit on the big comfortable sofa and watch the entire thing on one of the three huge HD televisions around the room. The staff even invited Isla up to speak to baby so she could watch how he reacts to her voice! I can’t properly explain how amazing the entire experience was, to watch him play with his feet and yawn and stretch... it really made it all the more real for us all. 

After the scan you get to go and select your photos and things to take home from your package- the fantastic part being it wasn’t too hard to pick as we got all the images to keep digitally anyway! I didn’t have to worry about losing any if they weren’t chosen. They get sent to the free Bumpies app and with a simple code I had them all within minutes of finishing. As you can see, Isla and Archer loved picking pictures of their baby brother!

There are lots of optional extras as well as the photos you get- bears, booties, gender reveal items... they have a huge selection. 

The Window To The Womb team in Milton Keynes were exceptional. Having such an enthusiastic and welcoming team really makes the experience so much more worth it and I’m so grateful that we got to share this experience with them. 

If you’d like to find a local clinic for your own scan, you can do by visiting their website here. If you're not sure if it's worth it... I wasn't either, but it really is. Being able to see how he's growing was wonderful and I feel all the more excited to meet him now and it's been wonderful sharing his photos with our family and friends and comparing his looks to his brother and sister as newborns!

I was kindly gifted the Very Important Baby package by Window To The Womb in Milton Keynes in exchange for this review. I paid for the gender scan myself. All photos and opinions are my own. 

Am I getting SPD again?

As you may know, my second pregnancy I suffered severely with symphis pubis dysfunction, otherwise known as SPD or pelvic girdle pain. In short, it’s a condition that up to 1/5 of pregnant women get and suffer with to varying degrees. Your pelvis itself becomes hyper mobile, and can misalign which is extremely painful and reduces your movement.

If you haven’t read about my past experience and why I was induced as a result, be sure to check it out here. 

It was around this stage of pregnancy I began to feel the pain last time. At 28 weeks I was on crutches and I was in a wheelchair by 32 weeks. Of course, because of this, I’ve been ridiculously worried and over cautious about doing everything I can to not get it again.  

It’s unavoidable really, if it happens it happens and nothing I do can stop it essentially, but I can stave it off and ensure I don’t just “soldier through” so I don’t cause myself more pain and reduction of mobility than necessary. 

Simple things like not hoovering, or pushing the pram often or standing at the sink for too long have helped so much. Jack has been an absolute star as of course, he’s very worried about it all happening again- it was very hard for him to work and come home to a toddler, and immobile wife, and messy house. 

I’ve chatted to the midwife and she’s given me these tips to try reduce my risk of getting too bad again, I thought I’d share them in case anyone who reads this is going through similar:

1. Knees Together 

Whenever I need to move, I try do it with my knees together. If I’m rolling over in bed- knees together. If I’m getting out of the car, I swivel around with my knees together instead of climbing out one leg at a time. You get the idea!

2. Short Walks

One of the biggest mistakes I made last time was trying to just push through the pain. It meant double the pain the next day- I just hated admitting I couldn’t do what I did before. Now I make sure I rest often and keep my distances short wherever possible. It’s a shame but it’ll help in the long run. 

3. Epsom Salts

If I feel the pain creeping in after a busy day, and begin dreading moving or climbing the stairs to bed, a warm bath filled with a cup of Epsom salts genuinely works magic. I don’t know how or why the salts work but they do! Plus free floating in the warm water helps get everything aligned again. The midwife said similar can happen just floating in a swimming pool. 

4. Maternity Support Belt

I have been using one of these for all three pregnancies. I had it with Isla initially as I couldn’t walk home after a long shift without crying in pain (in hindsight I probably had SPD with her too) and I relied on it with Archer by the third trimester! You can get them on Amazon or free from an NHS physio (your midwife or GP can arrange this appointment) and they’re easy to stick on under your clothes. They hold everything “up” a bit whic relieves the weight on your pelvis, and holding the bump in place stops it misaligning. 

I do think I have SPD again. It’s been clear it’s affected me for all three pregnancies at varying degrees.... I just hope with all my heart that it doesn’t get as bad as last time. 

Have you been affected by SPD/PGP in subsequent pregnancies? I’d love to hear your experiences. 

28 Weeks- Pregnancy Update

I did it, I’ve made it to the third trimester with only some moaning. Okay- that’s a lie, I’ve moaned an awful lot. Of course I’m grateful to be having a healthy baby and after two miscarriages I know how special each successful pregnancy is... but it’s bloody exhausting.

The great thing about hitting the third trimester is, despite there being anywhere between 9-12 weeks till I should give birth, I feel like the end is in sight. It’s the home stretch, and of course I’ll be getting much fatter and much more sore but there isn’t another stage after this where it’ll happen again!

I have been getting sore. I don’t know if it’s just inevitable after having SPD so severe I was induced (read about that here) last time. I’ve been trying to take it easy but the wincing pain is creeping back every time I roll over or walk further than normal- if I do push myself I find I’m useless for a day or so after. Epsom salt baths and general rest are helping, I just hope I can carry on staving it off till I’m full term and avoid induction. 

Other than that, I do feel really well in myself. I’ve started having a lot of dreams about when he’s here and what he may look like- and a whole lot of crazy dreams with enough drama and details as a blockbuster movie! 

My cravings are also moving on from vinegar and sweeties- I’ve been obsessed with green grapes! The only issue is, some strains of green grapes taste sort of leafy and grassy and I want the specific strain with that crunch and tart/sour taste. I’ve bought the “wrong” grapes home from Tesco twice and promptly left them in the fridge to be neglected or eaten by someone else. Nothing has felt more disappointing in my life. 

We’re going for a 4D scan this week and I am so excited to see baby boy again. He’s gaining baby fat and should look nice and squashy and like a real baby! I think it will be a lovely experience as we get to bring Isla and Archer to see him!

He does have a name by the way, we just aren’t sharing it with the whole world till he’s here. I shared Archer’s name with a lot of people before he was born, and even though it was definite, people took it as an invitation to offer alternatives. 

Overall, nothing has really changed this week. Baby is as big as a coconut apparently and I don’t want to think about pushing a coconut out of my foof right now so I’m avoiding the fruit comparisons from now on!

The Second Trimester was NOT easier

Today, I come to the end of the second trimester. Tomorrow I am in the third! The final stage, the one where I’ll be allowed to moan again because as everyone knows, the second trimester is a “breeze”. It’s the easy middle part where you are glowing and full of a strange magical energy and you can achieve anything!

That’s what all the books say, and it’s a lie. 

Sure my first trimester wasn’t hard- I wasn’t sick at all this time and I wasn’t actually that tired a lot of the time... so maybe the second didn’t seem magically better because I didn’t have anything bad to improve from? There were some little improvements- I didn’t want to remove my boobs because they hurt so much and the cramps and ligament pains stopped. But mostly, it’s been worse, and here’s why. 

1. Sleep

What sleep? I’ve been absolutely exhausted the entire second trimester and I fully call it on the rumour that you get your energy back. I have not had my energy back and I’ve got so big this trimester I’ve been far too uncomfortable to sleep through the night. Add in how often I get up to pee...

2. Peeing

The urge to go to the toilet every hour or more was supposed to lessen during the second trimester, as baby moves up in your body and takes the pressure off your pelvis and bladder. Well... tell that to my uncontrollable need to go two times every night for the last 10 weeks nearly!

3. Glowing

While a pregnancy is barely there in the first trimester, and by the third you are large and swollen and exhausted, the second trimester is meant to be a time of glowing and clear skin for most. Not me. The only glowing I have is the heat coming off my skin because I’ve been non stop sweating and too hot for the last few months! I feel like a radiator. If this is my peak I dread to think what state I’ll be in over the next two months. 

4. Sex drive 

Hello? Sex drive? You were supposed to reappear and I think my husband has been expecting you any time now? Honestly it is the last thing I want or can comfortably manage by the time I collapse grunting into bed and spend ten minutes huffing and trying to arrange the pillow fort that has become the only thing I cuddle at night. Sorry Jack, this one was a big fat lie and I probably smell anyway even though I showered ten minutes ago - all that sweating. 

Honestly, it hasn’t been all bad but it definitely wasn’t the massive improvement that I was promised. I can’t imagine how I’ll moan for my third trimester. 

Looking at my post history it may seem like I’m complaining about being pregnant a lot, but it’s not all serious. I’m so grateful and I’m trying to take in every moment and every annoyance and just remember it all. But the second trimester DID suck..!

I Had Gender Disappointment.

Let me preface this post by saying, I am more grateful than I could ever put into words that our baby is healthy, growing and developing exactly as he should be. In essence, the gender is not what is important and it isn’t a case of me preferring one sex over the other because in the grand scheme of things it’s such a small thing.....

But yes, for the smallest time, I was sad about the result of our gender scan. 

I already have one son and one daughter, so when I fell pregnant for the third time people were intrigued to know my preference. It was the first thing anyone asked me and it began swirling around in my head- what would I prefer? When I was pregnant with my second, people would say “you already have a girl, I hope you have a boy!” so that became the focus and hope- but with one of each already people want to discuss how the family dynamic would change with the “tie breaker”. 

It wouldn’t have occurred to me to have a preference. Both my son and daughter are so different and wonderful and it has nothing to do with their sex, just their personalities. But as I said, with people seemingly only interested in what I would prefer, I did begin imagining either a son or daughter and names and bedroom sharing ideas... I decided I’d quite like another girl. 

I didn’t believe this baby was a girl even once. I’ve been right twice before, and I had a strong lean towards this baby definitely being a boy. If you’ve been following me, you’ll know I was bang on the money and we’re super excited to be having a second boy!

As I discussed in my post “Am I excited for baby number three?” we’ve kept everything from newborn up from Archer, so my bank account is extremely pleased it won’t need to pay for a single wardrobe item besides a few token/seasonal items. Score right?

I was disappointed. I felt horrifically guilty for being disappointed. The sad thing was, I wasn’t even upset about the gender of my child itself, I was upset about all the materialistic elements which made me feel even worse! I wouldn’t get to buy a new wardrobe. I liked a million girls names, and not one boy name. I like silly gender stereotypical items like hair bows and frilly knickers. I liked having a sister more than a brother growing up and thought Isla would too. 

Notice how all my reasoning was not related to the child itself? That’s how I’ve got through this. It was purely my own imagination and fantasy of what life may be like when baby came. Yes I imagined a girl and it was a little painful to suddenly lose this but after a little shake and a few days to “mourn” I managed to pick myself up and I’m thrilled. 

I think mums are often ashamed to admit they have had gender disappointment. We’re made to believe we should always say “baby is healthy, the gender does not matter” and no it doesn’t matter but that doesn’t mean our overly hormonal and emotional selves can’t be sad for a little while if it is different to what we fantasised about. 

Don’t be ashamed if you’ve felt the same, and don’t feel as though it makes you a horrible person. I felt that for a while, I felt guilty. Why should I though? Of course I love my son already and I will love him more when he is here. Now I know his name, and I’m getting things ready for him, I couldn’t imagine him being anything other than who he is and I wouldn’t change him for the world.

27 Weeks- Pregnancy Update

Do you want to know a secret? The “second trimester energy boost” is a big fat lie! Or at least it has been in my case..

I’ve been absolutely blessed this pregnancy. I’ve made it to 7 months without throwing up even once and if I compare to my pregnancy with Archer where I suffered heavily with hypermesis I can’t complain at all. It’s a hugely different experience and I was genuinely terrified I’d get that sick again. It just goes to show how different it all is every time.

Another difference is in my general aches and pains. I had bad SPD with Archer (can you tell I had a hard pregnancy with him?) and by this stage I was barely moving and about to rely on crutches and then a wheelchair... yes I’m aching but knowing it’s a risk in advance has meant I’ve taken it a whole lot easier. Jack does the strenuous tasks around the house and I’ve been implementing the movements recommended by my physio last time before it’s too late and it’s really helping.

Other than exhaustion that’s had me in bed or wanting to be in bed before it’s dark a lot of nights, I suppose the second trimester has been good to me, but the summer hasn’t.

I’ve never been pregnant this far into summer and the heat has me suffering unbelievable amounts. It’s made me feel drained and swollen and sweaty and I feel like I can’t breathe at night. I’ve been taking a damp towel to bed and sleeping with it on top of me! Pro tip right there my friends.

Baby boy kicks up a storm every day and has done for weeks. He’s definitely more mobile than the other two ever were which does mean one minute he’s kicking my bladder and I have to run to pee, and by the time I get there he’s kicking my stomach and I’ve got heartburn like you wouldn’t believe.

It’s all going very fast and I’d forget I was pregnant if I wasn’t getting so uncomfortable and worn out easily.

I genuinely have no idea how much I weigh. I focused so much on it the last two pregnancies that gaining or losing had me so anxious.... I don’t need that stress and I know I’m eating healthy and how my clothes are fitting (maternity only now!). The midwife will start measuring my bump from my next appointment onwards and though I’m showing big (third baby’s do that) I’m currently not worried about being too big or too small.

At 27 weeks, I can’t tell you the last time I saw my feet when standing without leaning forward and I haven’t seen my “downstairs” without a mirror in months now... I’m not sure I want to!

Craving wise I’ve moved beyond vinegar after months of obsession and I’m firmly into cold crunchy things. It isn’t as intense as my ice obsession with Isla but I can happily munch an entire punnet of grapes in one sitting (I do not recommend this though, as it swapped me from constipated to the other extreme).

I’m definitely shaken up about how simple this pregnancy is compared to my other two but I won’t complain in case I tempt fate! I’m enjoying it, although the hormonal tears may have you fooled. I can’t believe I’ll be full term in 10 weeks... anywhere between 10 and 15 weeks and he will be here!

My Heartbeat Bear [Review and GIVEAWAY!]

I’m a ridiculously sentimental person, especially when it comes to my children and pregnancies. I may not go as far as to keep the tests (the pee sort of put me off!) but I’ve got everything from from paperwork to the straps I wore when monitored during each labour!

Being sentimental I was obviously thrilled when I was contacted by My Heartbeat Bear- during my last two pregnancies I had no idea this sort of product existed at all and I’d have jumped at it if I had!

I still have grainy recordings on my phone from my home Doppler (purely for fun and bonding of course) from both Isla and Archer but for this baby I had the opportunity to do something special.

I was sent a beautiful bear to put baby’s heartbeat inside, this one being the 16'' (which is one of their most popular, no surprise there as it’s gorgeous!). It took me so long to pick- there’s a bear for every taste. Each bear comes with a small sound box that you can record up to twenty seconds into, and save, to then be put inside the bear and sealed for playback with a simple squeeze. This stage was surprisingly easy and only took me one attempt at practice before doing it for real!

I just took the box to my midwife appointment as she has a brilliant Doppler and as it was only twenty seconds she didn’t mind me holding the little box up to record at all! It came out perfect and clear and I’ve been quite obsessed with playing it back. When I had a practice I used it to record a sound off my phone which also worked perfectly- it couldn’t be easier.

It’s been fantastic for Isla and Archer, Isla especially. She’s older so understands a lot more and likes to give the bear a cuddle and “listen to her new brother” which I’m sure is helping with future sibling bonding. Archer likes to dance when it plays the heartbeat- I suppose it does sound like a little dance beat!

I’m ridiculously happy with this bear and the hormonal emotional side of me could gush about it for hours. The team at My Heartbeat Bear we’re even kind enough to send a little “boy” ultrasound T-shirt which is a part of their new accessory range, which adds an even more personal touch.

If you’d like to check them out for yourself (as a pregnant woman I definitely recommend one for yourself or as a gift for someone you know!) you can find them at https://www.myheartbeatbear.com

Thank you again to My Heartbeat Bear, I’m thrilled with it!

GIVEAWAY!

The team at My Heartbeat Bear have been kind enough to offer my readers the chance to win their very own bear! If you're pregnant, or know someone who is, be sure to enter! If you win, you can choose between the Pink 8" Little Princess Heartbeat Bear, or the Blue 8" Little Prince Heartbeat Bear!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

AD! I was gifted one heartbeat bear in exchange for this review. All words and opinions are my own.

Am I excited for baby number three?

Baby number three! It still blows my mind to write that or say it out loud. At the beginning of the year we weren’t even sure if we definitely wanted to go for another pregnancy, and now I’m 27 weeks pregnant! It’s all going exceptionally fast.

We found out via a private scan at 16 weeks that we are having our second boy and that means there’s not much preparation needed. The hoarder in me made sure I kept ahold of all Archer’s clothes from preemie to present, as well as his old crib, play mat, swing.... you name it I kept it all just in case! It’s going to save us a whole lot of money and shopping over the coming months but part of me is strangely disheartened by this fact. 

I wondered in the beginning if it was a little bit of gender disappointment- I’ll likely get into this in another post- but my preference initially had been for a second girl and I was super excited about another healthy baby boy but yes, part of me was a little sad about no more girls. Looking back I do realise in hindsight that this was a purely materialistic reaction. Having another girl would mean I could shop, as I had nothing of Islas left over and I feel shopping (even second hand as I often have for the children) is a big step in getting prepared and excited for a new arrival. I’m getting over this ridiculous concept by throwing myself into sorting and cleaning what we have, picking up token items here and there and hand making a lot of things for him. 

Another strange part of being pregnant with my third is the reaction of those around me. While I understand nothing will quite compare to how family and friends react to your first ever pregnancy and first little arrival (we noticed the second pregnancy was met with excitement yes, but definitely more muted as is natural) your third is an entirely new ball park. Instead of congratulations, the initial reaction from people is “you’re brave!” and comments about how “I’d never do it!” in regards to a third child. 

It doesn’t mean the third child is any less loved or anticipated but strangely it has had a little effect on how I feel. I feel a little sad for this baby- everyone wants him, we love him already... I am ridiculously excited to bring the final member of our family into the world- but I can’t help but feel guilty over the lack of fanfare. The midwife has me reassured that this guilt is mostly hormonal and that it’s normal for subsequent pregnancies to feel as though I’m “going through the motions” but it’s still there. 

Of course I am excited for baby number three. I’m excited for a loud house, being more squashed in bed in the morning than I already am and for Jack being wrapped around another little finger. I can’t shop or do much to prepare, and other people may not care as much as we’ve done it twice before already, and it may even feel a bit boring as it’s been such an easy pregnancy... but yes of course I’m excited. 

I know this post has been mostly rambling and a clearing of my thoughts but I’d love to know if anyone who reads here has felt even a little similar in their subsequent pregnancies?

All the best x

Exciting News! 12 Weeks Pregnant

I'm so happy to finally be able to write about this- it's been a long 8 weeks of waiting and I've found my mind going blank when it comes to blogging ever since we found out. How could I bring myself to write when I couldn't yet talk about the most exciting thing we have going on!

I'm extremely pleased to announce that myself and Jack are expecting our third bundle of joy. Three children! Are we crazy? Many probably think so- we already have one of each and as I addressed in my previous post about feeling broody, we weren't sure that it was really the norm to venture past two children anymore.

But yes, little one is definitely on the way and the whole family is thrilled.

I'm 12+5 writing this today, and yesterday we had our 12 week scan to make sure everything is developing well with the baby- I feel very blessed to say it is.

Pregnancy so far has been surprisingly easy. With my first pregnancy, I didn't have morning sickness but I did faint all the time, even from the beginning. With my second, I had severe Hyperemesis almost from day one and ended up with acute SPD which started to ache almost from the beginning as well. We were of course nervous for what this pregnancy would bring, but the hormone gods have blessed me and I haven't thrown up or fainted or ached once!

At most, I'm tired. Wrangling two small children when all I want to do is nap lately has been hard and for some reason they've both decided that bedtime and wake up time are on a brand new schedule. Add in that I do have to get up to pee most nights and I'm definitely getting desparate for the second trimester energy.

The hormones are however, causing me to have more spots than I ever had combined for all my teenage years. My hair is annoyingly oily and I'm yet to crack the code for how often to wash it without it being too often. Breast ache has subsided but was a huge niggle for the first two months.

I'm definitely already in maternity jeans. I showed fairly quickly with my prior pregnancies and this one is no exception- they do say subsequent pregnancies can show earlier and at nearly 13 weeks there is definitely no hiding it. My uterus is way above my pubic bone already and I can feel it like a hard ball when I lay on my stomach (something I miss at night already, boo).

I'm so excited for this journey and to share it with you all!

Should I feel guilty for being broody?

I'm extremely blessed. I have two beautiful children, who are both healthy and happy, and who I love with all of my heart. It was relatively easy to get pregnant, and despite suffering two miscarriages in my life, my fertility is normal. I can't complain really, right?

Despite all this, I do feel an almost painful urge to have more children. Just one more. I'm one of four myself, and felt it was a little too much.. but two has never felt enough. Often times, I wonder if I my desire for just one more is selfish. Shouldn't I just be happy with what I have? What would I do if I had one more and the feeling didn't pass like I believe it would?

It isn't anything to do with not feeling my children are enough- they are more than enough, they really do make my life worth living. I just can't help but feel like there's someone missing. I haven't met them, and there's a chance they'll never exist, but I really do sense them and pine for them.

Sometimes the feeling is overwhelming. I imagine Christmas in years to come, and I imagine it with a big family, outnumbered, loud and overwhelming but perfect. I imagine my youngest as a big brother. I imagine so much, that it would be easy to get caught up in "what ifs".

It may be hormones- I'm not 30 yet, so it isn't a factor of my biological clock ticking. The experts may say it is simply my natural urges, wanting me to be pregnant and to create life. My husband will say it is the fact I've forgotten how hard pregnancy and labour and the year after are (baby amnesia!). Maybe I feel as though time has slipped through my fingers.

I'm doing what I can to help the feelings level out, though I know they wont fully. I've spoken to Jack about it a lot, and got it all off my chest which has been an outstanding help. I'm being as proactive as I can to spend all my time and love with the children I do have. That said, there are times when I drive myself silly looking at their newborn photos and my old pregnancy photos... it's counterproductive of me I know, but as much as it makes the broodiness worse, it also reminds me that I have what I have.

I feel like I am constantly trying to justify myself. I feel I need to justify why I want another child, and that is it okay to want more children, and to reassure an imaginary person that I do love my life as it is but it just would be nice... it's so hard to not feel guilty for feeling like this.

It's on the table, and I suppose with life we just have to see what happens. I think the best thing I did in all this, was to talk to Jack about it as he never really understood that I wasn't joking when I'd mention number three.

So my question is really, should I be feeling guilty for how I feel? Or am I just over thinking what is a perfectly unselfish and normal way of feeling?

Let me know.