I have postpartum anxiety, and that’s okay.

I’ve hesitated writing this post over the last few weeks. It seems silly, but it felt as though writing it would make it all seem worse or even the opposite- that I’m exaggerating. I’ve also been super conscious that family often read this blog and I didn’t want them to begin worrying or overcompensating with kindness or even thinking I need people to step in with more offers of help. It wasn’t until I spoke to the health visitor this week that I decided the easiest way of handling how I feel is talking about it, and that’s why I started blogging in the first place- a safe space to talk.

I’ll begin by saying I’m absolutely enamoured with Harry and how life is going as a family of five. He’s a wonderful baby and everyone has settled into a great routine and it really does feel like he was always meant to be here.

The anxiety is there despite all this.

The first time few weeks, I put it down to baby blues. I happily breastfed Archer, especially out in public as we went out and about so much. It never bothered me, I felt no shame and I believe it’s much more socially accepted these days. But the first time I even thought about feeding Harry in front of anyone except Jack and the kids I started worrying and over thinking every possible scenario of who might look at me funny or feel awkward or treat me differently... of course our family have never behaved like this but I felt extremely nervous and even thinking about it made me tearful. It wasn’t just normal worrying, it was panic. I’d go over potential situations with Jack over and over again until I cried and he eased my mind by telling me it would be okay.

This pattern of overthinking everything and crying kicked in even more at Harry’s two week check  when the midwife told me he hadn’t gained enough weight. Instead of explaining it to me she called the hospital to discuss it with a senior midwife and all the information I had to mull over was hearing the one sided phone call and being told to come back in two days and that he needed to gain it by then. I sobbed, I panicked, I felt sick- in about thirty seconds I convinced myself I didn’t have enough milk and I was failing at feeding him.

I spent the next two days pumping and giving him as many extra feeds as I could on top of breastfeeding non stop and he gained the weight he needed and then some! But the anxiety over it all hasn’t shifted. I still worry I’m doing everything wrong.

Logically I know he’s eating. His output is great, he is active and content and when I pump I have a great supply. He’s thriving. The anxiety however... sometimes he seems to be eating for hours and I’ve had to hand him to Jack and come downstairs in full panic attack that he’s suckling and getting nothing at all. I hadn’t had a panic attack for years. At his latest check he had dropped down a curve- something normal as he started so large and sometimes it takes a baby a while to “find their line” and if anything, the health visitor said he is in proportion now and doing fine. Of course, I’ve been panicking that he isn’t eating enough or properly. Even though I know he is. But I’m worried... even though he is eating. It’s a cycle you see.

It isn’t just the feeding. It’s feeling on edge and as though I can’t act naturally around big groups of people. Christmas Day was a lovely large family occasion and I found myself hiding upstairs when I had a chance and crying because I just can’t relax and I don’t know why.

The health visitor said it isn’t postpartum depression. When I’m comfortable I’m so happy and I’m still interested in doing things and social when I’m feeling okay and I’m still of course looking after myself and the children. I took a little test and she said it’s postpartum anxiety which of course I anticipated. I suppose it isn’t as serious or commonly spoken about as PPD but it’s just as real.

I’m coping by trying to keep to a routine. Keeping the house tidy and organised is helping as long as I remember not to get too worried about it (people always seem to come over unexpected when we’re in temporary chaos and I worry they’ll judge!). Mess is normal with children and I need to relax a little and stop getting cross when Jack doesn’t put his shoes where they go. There’s a fine line between keeping things tidy to ease my anxiety and obsessing and getting anxious about the tidying too. Ridiculous right?

Mostly I’m just upset because I know all my worries are in my head and hold no real standing to what’s actually going on. Harry isn’t starving, people don’t think that I’m not handling it all, people don’t care if I breastfeed him.... I just need to ignore that voice that says “but what if...” and take a deep breath.

I’m seeing the GP for my proper postpartum check this week and it’s definitely something I’ll mention to them so they’re aware. The health visitor said I didn’t have a really high score so as long as I don’t start feeling worse she isn’t too worried. It’s definitely normal and okay to feel how I do as long as I try my best to work on the issue.

Talking to Jack helps. Taking five minutes to cry and calm down helps too. So do cuddles with my children. I’m sure it’ll get better once my hormones fully settle and I start sleeping better at night.

If you made it this far, thank for for reading and listening. If no one reads this, at least I feel a little better for getting it out.

36 Weeks- Pregnancy Update

It’s been a few weeks. Admittedly I’ve had things I’d like to write about but I just haven’t had the energy! Pregnancy is officially kicking my butt and I’ve gone from not really caring when I give birth, to wanting this baby out as soon as healthily possible because I am done!

I’m currently in week 36 which means “full term” really is on the horizon. They say 37 weeks is when baby is developed enough to be born, and labour really does become any minute from that point. I had Archer at exactly 37+1 but that was induction as a result of my SPD. I had isla at 38+1 which is good for a first baby so I’m hoping this baby follows trend. Part of me is relieved to have made it to the end but the truthful part is, who knows when the end really is?

People have began asking me in the street “when is baby coming?” but no answer seems satisfactory. I say “the end of November!” and I’m met with comments about how I must be wrong because that’s so long away and I’ve looked ready to burst for weeks and Baby is just *so low*. If I say “I don’t know!” which is actually the only truthful answer because due dates are nonsense and better ignored, people look at me like I’m crazy for not knowing. I’ve even answered “any time from 1-5 weeks from now!” which allows for birth between 37-42 weeks and again I’m looked at like I’m insane. It’s gotten me quite cross as I realise I’m counting down for absolutely no reason because nothing is certain. 

Ranting about the undefinable countdown to getting this baby out aside, as I said I am done with pregnancy and I’ve remembered exactly how much it is rubbish at the end. I’m currently host to a wiggly squirmy entity who makes me cry if I don’t eat every half an hour but when I do eat I don’t have room for more than a few bites before I’m done. I’m also host to a haemorrhoid so large I’m worried the baby will think it’s his mother instead of me and honestly sitting down has become a literal pain in the bum. The worst part is I’m so upset about it making me walk like I’ve had an accident that I’m happy to tell everyone and their mum about it just so they don’t think I’ve had an accident... 

Nesting is gearing up and this week I scrubbed some mildew marks off a wall and windowsill in my bedroom so hard that I stripped some paint off- but who cares, it’ll look so much better for the baby right? I had the uncontrollable urge to sleep for days after such a hard activity so the rest of the house is a state, but the wall is clean so it’s okay. 

I think it’s sort of clear I’m not having fun anymore. I’ve been having a lot of braxton hicks contractions and every now and then one will hurt a little in my back or make it harder to breathe which has me a little hopeful that my body is getting ready for the big day. I’ve also had a couple of tiny spots of red/pink in the last week which could be my cervix softening which is also a great sign. 

I’ll probably look back on this pregnancy fondly. I’m so grateful everything is healthy with baby and of course that I am pregnant at all... so I feel bad for moaning so much. It’s just one of the absolute toughest thing a body goes through and with the SPD and swelling and contractions and lack of sleep I’m turning into a beast. I’ve shouted at Jack more in the last week than I count and I can’t even remember why! Sorry Jack. 

1-5 weeks to go! Haha. 

The urge to nest in pregnancy

I’ve mentioned a few times in previous posts that strangely I have had little urge to actually get “ready” for baby number three. Of course it’s something I want to do and will do, but there has been little urgency and I’ve been exceptionally relaxed about it all compared to when I was pregnant with Isla and Archer.

With Isla, I had the nursery painted and put together around 2-3 months before she was due. By 32 weeks I had a fully stocked hospital bag complete with an instruction list for the last minute things to be picked up and where they would be. I was reorganising and repacking everything in her bag and room for weeks and the night before I went into labour I spent ages folding all her sleepsuits again. The urge to nest was overwhelming (although unfortunately for Jack it didn’t stretch to me actually doing much cleaning, just a lot of fussing with baby things haha). 

With Archer, having the pelvis issues, I got his room put together at 28 weeks. By 30 weeks, all his things were washed and organised and his room was ready to go. Of course, as I did with Isla, I spent a lot of unnecessary time in there fussing over it all. I had my hospital bag done by 32 weeks, and again I spent a lot of time writing lists and planning it and reorganising it over and over again to be the most efficient bag it could be. This was only fuelled by the fact I was induced as I had a lot more time to plan for specific dates and even prepare overnight bags for Isla. Again, I didn’t branch too far into tidying (I was too sore and in the wheelchair by the end!) but I would try as much as I could because I didn’t want the baby to come home to clutter. 

This third time around, as I said, I’ve been ridiculously relaxed. I’m about to hit 34 weeks and I’ve only just started to feel any urge to get it all done. Of course, frustratingly, now that I feel that nesting desire I can’t actually do anything to appease it.

Our third bedroom had a leak when we moved in and the wallpaper has always been a state (Archer admittedly made the loose parts worse) and being rented there wasn’t much we could do until the landlord agreed it would be good to redo the room. Thankfully she did give the go ahead and we have decorators plastering and sorting it all out. They’ve been here a week and should hopefully be done soon which is a relief as my house is full of misplaced furniture and boxes of new things for the baby. 

Once they’re done, I’m going to try and get it all sorted ASAP. I feel as though once that’s done I’ll be able to begin hospital bags and folding clothes and fussing again. It’s increasingly anxiety inducing knowing I can’t do it yet, but at the same time part of me is still relaxed and tempted to just pack the moment I go into labour. 

Luckily for Jack I actually have the urge to clean as well. This weekend he helped me do a big detail clean in the kitchen and he’s been down at floor level where I can’t go (without getting stuck that is) emptying and tidying the kitchen cupboards for me. I’ve also been fussing over the bathroom being as clean as possible (what if I go into labour on the loo and the ambulance comes in and sees a smeary mirror?!) and ensuring the carpet in the living room is clean. 

I’ve heard some women are up in the middle of the night cleaning and painting and organising things to a crazy extent... personally, as much as my skirting boards could use a wipe sometimes, I enjoy what little sleep I can get far too much for that nonsense. 

Did you do anything crazy when you nested? Or did you find yourself more relaxed with subsequent pregnancies? I’d love to know!

New Baby Brother- Do they understand?

In a little over a month, I’ll be classed as full term and really getting things sorted for baby number three. It’s obvious by my blooming bump that I’m very pregnant and the house is full of baby talk.

With that in mind I’ve started to wonder how well my children understand what is going on. Do they really *get* how much it’s going to change when their new brother is here? Do they understand he will be with us forever?

When I was pregnant with Archer, Isla was under two and she had an exceptional grasp on language. Through conversations and explanations she seemed to really know what was what. If asked, she would explain about mummy going to the hospital, and that the baby would come out of her tummy and that he was a brother. I did sometimes question if she understood or if she was just parroting the things we have told her, but in the end she adjusted ridiculously well and very quickly.

Now that she’s four, of course she has a much better understanding of the world, and having gone through getting a new sibling before I do think she’s prepared but perhaps not mentally or emotionally... it’s a lot to take in and maybe just talking about it will never be enough. Though she understands it might still be a shock and a big change to the dynamics she is used to. I hope she adjusts as quickly as she did last time.

Archer is older than Isla was during my last pregnancy but he doesn’t have the same grasp on language she had. He talks well for his age and listens well but she was more advanced. As he doesn’t speak as much as she did, it’s sometimes hard to work out how much he is taking in. He’s naturally quieter and thinks about things a lot. I do talk to him about it all and ask him questions and while he responds most of the time, he does get bored of the topic quite fast and ignore me!

When we went to our 4D scan (you can read about that here) he did suddenly seem to associate us talking about “baby brother” with my growing stomach which has been a big breakthrough. He likes to hug my tummy and kiss it and if we ask about baby brother he knows where he is. We’ve also got a few of our scan photos around which he calls by the baby’s name.

I suppose we will just have to wait and see if his association switches from photos and a baby bump to the actual baby once he is here!

They both love babies so I’m not worried too much about whether or not they’re “ready” as I think that will just develop once he’s here. Until then we are just continuing talking about it all as much as we can and we’ve been reading stories that include babies, as well as talking about baby brother every time we buy something for him.

How did you get your little ones ready for a new arrival? I’d love to hear any advice or experiences you’ve had. 

4D Baby Scan with Window to the Womb- Milton Keynes [Review]

If you’d asked me back during my first pregnancy if I’d consider a 4D pregnancy scan, I’d have told you no. Admittedly, I’d always been sceptical about them and found them a bizarre concept- why not just have the NHS scans and be happy with those?

This opinion was completely changed for me when I asked Jack back at 14 weeks if we could book in for an early gender scan. I explained to him that I was impatient to find out and that it was something I’d like to try, and he was on board. We went to the Milton Keynes Branch of Window To The Womb at 16 weeks and found out our third baby is a boy! They did a sneak peek of the 4D setting and even back then, you could really see detail... look how he was all curled up with his hands pressed on his face!

I’ve been debating going for the full 4D for a while- then I was very kindly offered the Very Important Baby package by the team at Window To The Womb in Milton Keynes and of course I was thrilled to accept and see our littlest boy again.

One of the best things about the scans here is the fact you can bring up to five guests. Understandably the NHS scans are in the hospital, so it is just mum and one other person in attendance, but having these scans at Window To The Womb meant I could get my children involved. It’s worth baring in mind that these scans still are primarily diagnostic and used for checking the well-being of both mum and baby before moving into gender and imagery, but as I said, as it isn’t a hospital setting you can bring your family!

Both Isla and Archer absolutely loved seeing “baby brother” for our gender scan so they were thrilled to be invited back to see what he looked like. It’s the perfect early bonding experience for them. 

When you first arrive at the clinic, you’re warmly welcomed by the staff who sign you in and invite you to take a seat. Pregnant women rejoice, the sofas are ridiculously comfortable and the atmosphere is so relaxed and pleasant, it really adds to the excitement and joy you feel waiting to see baby. There’s even a fully stocked waiting room/playroom for those with children which means they’re kept nice and entertained while the staff help you fill in a couple of routine forms.

Window To The Womb offers a variety of different scan packages, but as I said we were booked in to the Very Important Baby scan which would include:

-100% longer 4D scan (than the lower package)
-Six full colour photo prints
-Two larger full colour photo prints
-Full movie of our scan
-Two photo keyrings
-Gender confirmation (99% accurate, and baby is still a boy!)
-All images digitally available on the Bumpies App (you receive a code which you can also share -with friends and family who download the app!)
-Well-being check and report
-Free rescan if baby does not cooperate

They say that the best time to have this scan is between 27-30 weeks pregnant as baby is chubby enough to look like a proper baby in photos, but not so big that they’re all squashed up and unable to wiggle into a better position. 

Thankfully our little one was very cooperative- he began with his hand pressed up against his face (just as he was when we saw him at 16 weeks- oh my heart!) but with a little wiggling and a change of my position we were all able to see him properly. The scan is so realistic it genuinely blew my mind, and I can’t believe how “real” he is in there. 

Jack and the children got to sit on the big comfortable sofa and watch the entire thing on one of the three huge HD televisions around the room. The staff even invited Isla up to speak to baby so she could watch how he reacts to her voice! I can’t properly explain how amazing the entire experience was, to watch him play with his feet and yawn and stretch... it really made it all the more real for us all. 

After the scan you get to go and select your photos and things to take home from your package- the fantastic part being it wasn’t too hard to pick as we got all the images to keep digitally anyway! I didn’t have to worry about losing any if they weren’t chosen. They get sent to the free Bumpies app and with a simple code I had them all within minutes of finishing. As you can see, Isla and Archer loved picking pictures of their baby brother!

There are lots of optional extras as well as the photos you get- bears, booties, gender reveal items... they have a huge selection. 

The Window To The Womb team in Milton Keynes were exceptional. Having such an enthusiastic and welcoming team really makes the experience so much more worth it and I’m so grateful that we got to share this experience with them. 

If you’d like to find a local clinic for your own scan, you can do by visiting their website here. If you're not sure if it's worth it... I wasn't either, but it really is. Being able to see how he's growing was wonderful and I feel all the more excited to meet him now and it's been wonderful sharing his photos with our family and friends and comparing his looks to his brother and sister as newborns!

I was kindly gifted the Very Important Baby package by Window To The Womb in Milton Keynes in exchange for this review. I paid for the gender scan myself. All photos and opinions are my own. 

Am I getting SPD again?

As you may know, my second pregnancy I suffered severely with symphis pubis dysfunction, otherwise known as SPD or pelvic girdle pain. In short, it’s a condition that up to 1/5 of pregnant women get and suffer with to varying degrees. Your pelvis itself becomes hyper mobile, and can misalign which is extremely painful and reduces your movement.

If you haven’t read about my past experience and why I was induced as a result, be sure to check it out here. 

It was around this stage of pregnancy I began to feel the pain last time. At 28 weeks I was on crutches and I was in a wheelchair by 32 weeks. Of course, because of this, I’ve been ridiculously worried and over cautious about doing everything I can to not get it again.  

It’s unavoidable really, if it happens it happens and nothing I do can stop it essentially, but I can stave it off and ensure I don’t just “soldier through” so I don’t cause myself more pain and reduction of mobility than necessary. 

Simple things like not hoovering, or pushing the pram often or standing at the sink for too long have helped so much. Jack has been an absolute star as of course, he’s very worried about it all happening again- it was very hard for him to work and come home to a toddler, and immobile wife, and messy house. 

I’ve chatted to the midwife and she’s given me these tips to try reduce my risk of getting too bad again, I thought I’d share them in case anyone who reads this is going through similar:

1. Knees Together 

Whenever I need to move, I try do it with my knees together. If I’m rolling over in bed- knees together. If I’m getting out of the car, I swivel around with my knees together instead of climbing out one leg at a time. You get the idea!

2. Short Walks

One of the biggest mistakes I made last time was trying to just push through the pain. It meant double the pain the next day- I just hated admitting I couldn’t do what I did before. Now I make sure I rest often and keep my distances short wherever possible. It’s a shame but it’ll help in the long run. 

3. Epsom Salts

If I feel the pain creeping in after a busy day, and begin dreading moving or climbing the stairs to bed, a warm bath filled with a cup of Epsom salts genuinely works magic. I don’t know how or why the salts work but they do! Plus free floating in the warm water helps get everything aligned again. The midwife said similar can happen just floating in a swimming pool. 

4. Maternity Support Belt

I have been using one of these for all three pregnancies. I had it with Isla initially as I couldn’t walk home after a long shift without crying in pain (in hindsight I probably had SPD with her too) and I relied on it with Archer by the third trimester! You can get them on Amazon or free from an NHS physio (your midwife or GP can arrange this appointment) and they’re easy to stick on under your clothes. They hold everything “up” a bit whic relieves the weight on your pelvis, and holding the bump in place stops it misaligning. 

I do think I have SPD again. It’s been clear it’s affected me for all three pregnancies at varying degrees.... I just hope with all my heart that it doesn’t get as bad as last time. 

Have you been affected by SPD/PGP in subsequent pregnancies? I’d love to hear your experiences. 

I’m not ready for her to start school.

I’ve just sat down, and had a little cry. Maybe it’s just my hormones, I told Jack. He said I’m being silly.

How can I explain how excited I am, but also very very sad? 

Tomorrow is the last day before Isla starts school. Yes, she’s done a whole school year at preschool already, five days a week- but that was only three hours a day. In reception, she will be in someone else’s hands from 8:45am till 3:30pm. 

Most mornings, by 8:30, she’s still parading around in her dressing gown, trying to swindle me out of more coco pops in exchange for cuddles under the blanket while we watch CBeebies with her little brother. Now, she will be running up the hill to school, stifling yawns as she spots her friends and disappears for the day. 

Lunchtime, I’d let her come into the kitchen to pick what she has. Archer wants a banana, she wants an apple. Sometimes if she was lucky I’d make noodles or pasta, and she could help me cook. 

She would go to preschool for a couple of hours. I’d relish in the quiet as it meant just chasing after one child for a while and getting some housework done. If she was tired, or had a sad day, at least it was only a couple of hours and she’d get to come home. 

We’ve had four years of long days together. Some days we made the most of every minute. Some days I swore I couldn’t wait for her to start school as we argued like we were both children- we are both strong willed and stubborn. Some days, I’d tell her I was too tired or too busy to play as I tried to keep up with the housework. 

It breaks my heart with regret to remember how often I said no to things. It’s impossible not to compare my parenting over the last years with those Pinterest perfect mums online who seem to have time for a trip, healthy lunch, educational craft activity and housework every day. I did my best for her, I have to keep telling myself we didn’t waste a moment. 

I feel so excited for her. School will help her grow and teach her things I never could. She will be permanently surrounded by all her little friends. She will flourish. 

I feel sad because the time with her felt so long, but now it’s done I feel like I really didn’t make the most of it. She will be in someone else’s hands most of her days now. 

I’m so so proud of our Isla, she’s grown so much and so fast- but it feels like it all went too fast. Isla is completely ready for school- more than ready. I think it’s just going to take me a little longer to stop seeing her as my baby. 

28 Weeks- Pregnancy Update

I did it, I’ve made it to the third trimester with only some moaning. Okay- that’s a lie, I’ve moaned an awful lot. Of course I’m grateful to be having a healthy baby and after two miscarriages I know how special each successful pregnancy is... but it’s bloody exhausting.

The great thing about hitting the third trimester is, despite there being anywhere between 9-12 weeks till I should give birth, I feel like the end is in sight. It’s the home stretch, and of course I’ll be getting much fatter and much more sore but there isn’t another stage after this where it’ll happen again!

I have been getting sore. I don’t know if it’s just inevitable after having SPD so severe I was induced (read about that here) last time. I’ve been trying to take it easy but the wincing pain is creeping back every time I roll over or walk further than normal- if I do push myself I find I’m useless for a day or so after. Epsom salt baths and general rest are helping, I just hope I can carry on staving it off till I’m full term and avoid induction. 

Other than that, I do feel really well in myself. I’ve started having a lot of dreams about when he’s here and what he may look like- and a whole lot of crazy dreams with enough drama and details as a blockbuster movie! 

My cravings are also moving on from vinegar and sweeties- I’ve been obsessed with green grapes! The only issue is, some strains of green grapes taste sort of leafy and grassy and I want the specific strain with that crunch and tart/sour taste. I’ve bought the “wrong” grapes home from Tesco twice and promptly left them in the fridge to be neglected or eaten by someone else. Nothing has felt more disappointing in my life. 

We’re going for a 4D scan this week and I am so excited to see baby boy again. He’s gaining baby fat and should look nice and squashy and like a real baby! I think it will be a lovely experience as we get to bring Isla and Archer to see him!

He does have a name by the way, we just aren’t sharing it with the whole world till he’s here. I shared Archer’s name with a lot of people before he was born, and even though it was definite, people took it as an invitation to offer alternatives. 

Overall, nothing has really changed this week. Baby is as big as a coconut apparently and I don’t want to think about pushing a coconut out of my foof right now so I’m avoiding the fruit comparisons from now on!

The Second Trimester was NOT easier

Today, I come to the end of the second trimester. Tomorrow I am in the third! The final stage, the one where I’ll be allowed to moan again because as everyone knows, the second trimester is a “breeze”. It’s the easy middle part where you are glowing and full of a strange magical energy and you can achieve anything!

That’s what all the books say, and it’s a lie. 

Sure my first trimester wasn’t hard- I wasn’t sick at all this time and I wasn’t actually that tired a lot of the time... so maybe the second didn’t seem magically better because I didn’t have anything bad to improve from? There were some little improvements- I didn’t want to remove my boobs because they hurt so much and the cramps and ligament pains stopped. But mostly, it’s been worse, and here’s why. 

1. Sleep

What sleep? I’ve been absolutely exhausted the entire second trimester and I fully call it on the rumour that you get your energy back. I have not had my energy back and I’ve got so big this trimester I’ve been far too uncomfortable to sleep through the night. Add in how often I get up to pee...

2. Peeing

The urge to go to the toilet every hour or more was supposed to lessen during the second trimester, as baby moves up in your body and takes the pressure off your pelvis and bladder. Well... tell that to my uncontrollable need to go two times every night for the last 10 weeks nearly!

3. Glowing

While a pregnancy is barely there in the first trimester, and by the third you are large and swollen and exhausted, the second trimester is meant to be a time of glowing and clear skin for most. Not me. The only glowing I have is the heat coming off my skin because I’ve been non stop sweating and too hot for the last few months! I feel like a radiator. If this is my peak I dread to think what state I’ll be in over the next two months. 

4. Sex drive 

Hello? Sex drive? You were supposed to reappear and I think my husband has been expecting you any time now? Honestly it is the last thing I want or can comfortably manage by the time I collapse grunting into bed and spend ten minutes huffing and trying to arrange the pillow fort that has become the only thing I cuddle at night. Sorry Jack, this one was a big fat lie and I probably smell anyway even though I showered ten minutes ago - all that sweating. 

Honestly, it hasn’t been all bad but it definitely wasn’t the massive improvement that I was promised. I can’t imagine how I’ll moan for my third trimester. 

Looking at my post history it may seem like I’m complaining about being pregnant a lot, but it’s not all serious. I’m so grateful and I’m trying to take in every moment and every annoyance and just remember it all. But the second trimester DID suck..!

I Had Gender Disappointment.

Let me preface this post by saying, I am more grateful than I could ever put into words that our baby is healthy, growing and developing exactly as he should be. In essence, the gender is not what is important and it isn’t a case of me preferring one sex over the other because in the grand scheme of things it’s such a small thing.....

But yes, for the smallest time, I was sad about the result of our gender scan. 

I already have one son and one daughter, so when I fell pregnant for the third time people were intrigued to know my preference. It was the first thing anyone asked me and it began swirling around in my head- what would I prefer? When I was pregnant with my second, people would say “you already have a girl, I hope you have a boy!” so that became the focus and hope- but with one of each already people want to discuss how the family dynamic would change with the “tie breaker”. 

It wouldn’t have occurred to me to have a preference. Both my son and daughter are so different and wonderful and it has nothing to do with their sex, just their personalities. But as I said, with people seemingly only interested in what I would prefer, I did begin imagining either a son or daughter and names and bedroom sharing ideas... I decided I’d quite like another girl. 

I didn’t believe this baby was a girl even once. I’ve been right twice before, and I had a strong lean towards this baby definitely being a boy. If you’ve been following me, you’ll know I was bang on the money and we’re super excited to be having a second boy!

As I discussed in my post “Am I excited for baby number three?” we’ve kept everything from newborn up from Archer, so my bank account is extremely pleased it won’t need to pay for a single wardrobe item besides a few token/seasonal items. Score right?

I was disappointed. I felt horrifically guilty for being disappointed. The sad thing was, I wasn’t even upset about the gender of my child itself, I was upset about all the materialistic elements which made me feel even worse! I wouldn’t get to buy a new wardrobe. I liked a million girls names, and not one boy name. I like silly gender stereotypical items like hair bows and frilly knickers. I liked having a sister more than a brother growing up and thought Isla would too. 

Notice how all my reasoning was not related to the child itself? That’s how I’ve got through this. It was purely my own imagination and fantasy of what life may be like when baby came. Yes I imagined a girl and it was a little painful to suddenly lose this but after a little shake and a few days to “mourn” I managed to pick myself up and I’m thrilled. 

I think mums are often ashamed to admit they have had gender disappointment. We’re made to believe we should always say “baby is healthy, the gender does not matter” and no it doesn’t matter but that doesn’t mean our overly hormonal and emotional selves can’t be sad for a little while if it is different to what we fantasised about. 

Don’t be ashamed if you’ve felt the same, and don’t feel as though it makes you a horrible person. I felt that for a while, I felt guilty. Why should I though? Of course I love my son already and I will love him more when he is here. Now I know his name, and I’m getting things ready for him, I couldn’t imagine him being anything other than who he is and I wouldn’t change him for the world.

27 Weeks- Pregnancy Update

Do you want to know a secret? The “second trimester energy boost” is a big fat lie! Or at least it has been in my case..

I’ve been absolutely blessed this pregnancy. I’ve made it to 7 months without throwing up even once and if I compare to my pregnancy with Archer where I suffered heavily with hypermesis I can’t complain at all. It’s a hugely different experience and I was genuinely terrified I’d get that sick again. It just goes to show how different it all is every time.

Another difference is in my general aches and pains. I had bad SPD with Archer (can you tell I had a hard pregnancy with him?) and by this stage I was barely moving and about to rely on crutches and then a wheelchair... yes I’m aching but knowing it’s a risk in advance has meant I’ve taken it a whole lot easier. Jack does the strenuous tasks around the house and I’ve been implementing the movements recommended by my physio last time before it’s too late and it’s really helping.

Other than exhaustion that’s had me in bed or wanting to be in bed before it’s dark a lot of nights, I suppose the second trimester has been good to me, but the summer hasn’t.

I’ve never been pregnant this far into summer and the heat has me suffering unbelievable amounts. It’s made me feel drained and swollen and sweaty and I feel like I can’t breathe at night. I’ve been taking a damp towel to bed and sleeping with it on top of me! Pro tip right there my friends.

Baby boy kicks up a storm every day and has done for weeks. He’s definitely more mobile than the other two ever were which does mean one minute he’s kicking my bladder and I have to run to pee, and by the time I get there he’s kicking my stomach and I’ve got heartburn like you wouldn’t believe.

It’s all going very fast and I’d forget I was pregnant if I wasn’t getting so uncomfortable and worn out easily.

I genuinely have no idea how much I weigh. I focused so much on it the last two pregnancies that gaining or losing had me so anxious.... I don’t need that stress and I know I’m eating healthy and how my clothes are fitting (maternity only now!). The midwife will start measuring my bump from my next appointment onwards and though I’m showing big (third baby’s do that) I’m currently not worried about being too big or too small.

At 27 weeks, I can’t tell you the last time I saw my feet when standing without leaning forward and I haven’t seen my “downstairs” without a mirror in months now... I’m not sure I want to!

Craving wise I’ve moved beyond vinegar after months of obsession and I’m firmly into cold crunchy things. It isn’t as intense as my ice obsession with Isla but I can happily munch an entire punnet of grapes in one sitting (I do not recommend this though, as it swapped me from constipated to the other extreme).

I’m definitely shaken up about how simple this pregnancy is compared to my other two but I won’t complain in case I tempt fate! I’m enjoying it, although the hormonal tears may have you fooled. I can’t believe I’ll be full term in 10 weeks... anywhere between 10 and 15 weeks and he will be here!

My Heartbeat Bear [Review and GIVEAWAY!]

I’m a ridiculously sentimental person, especially when it comes to my children and pregnancies. I may not go as far as to keep the tests (the pee sort of put me off!) but I’ve got everything from from paperwork to the straps I wore when monitored during each labour!

Being sentimental I was obviously thrilled when I was contacted by My Heartbeat Bear- during my last two pregnancies I had no idea this sort of product existed at all and I’d have jumped at it if I had!

I still have grainy recordings on my phone from my home Doppler (purely for fun and bonding of course) from both Isla and Archer but for this baby I had the opportunity to do something special.

I was sent a beautiful bear to put baby’s heartbeat inside, this one being the 16'' (which is one of their most popular, no surprise there as it’s gorgeous!). It took me so long to pick- there’s a bear for every taste. Each bear comes with a small sound box that you can record up to twenty seconds into, and save, to then be put inside the bear and sealed for playback with a simple squeeze. This stage was surprisingly easy and only took me one attempt at practice before doing it for real!

I just took the box to my midwife appointment as she has a brilliant Doppler and as it was only twenty seconds she didn’t mind me holding the little box up to record at all! It came out perfect and clear and I’ve been quite obsessed with playing it back. When I had a practice I used it to record a sound off my phone which also worked perfectly- it couldn’t be easier.

It’s been fantastic for Isla and Archer, Isla especially. She’s older so understands a lot more and likes to give the bear a cuddle and “listen to her new brother” which I’m sure is helping with future sibling bonding. Archer likes to dance when it plays the heartbeat- I suppose it does sound like a little dance beat!

I’m ridiculously happy with this bear and the hormonal emotional side of me could gush about it for hours. The team at My Heartbeat Bear we’re even kind enough to send a little “boy” ultrasound T-shirt which is a part of their new accessory range, which adds an even more personal touch.

If you’d like to check them out for yourself (as a pregnant woman I definitely recommend one for yourself or as a gift for someone you know!) you can find them at https://www.myheartbeatbear.com

Thank you again to My Heartbeat Bear, I’m thrilled with it!

GIVEAWAY!

The team at My Heartbeat Bear have been kind enough to offer my readers the chance to win their very own bear! If you're pregnant, or know someone who is, be sure to enter! If you win, you can choose between the Pink 8" Little Princess Heartbeat Bear, or the Blue 8" Little Prince Heartbeat Bear!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

AD! I was gifted one heartbeat bear in exchange for this review. All words and opinions are my own.

Am I excited for baby number three?

Baby number three! It still blows my mind to write that or say it out loud. At the beginning of the year we weren’t even sure if we definitely wanted to go for another pregnancy, and now I’m 27 weeks pregnant! It’s all going exceptionally fast.

We found out via a private scan at 16 weeks that we are having our second boy and that means there’s not much preparation needed. The hoarder in me made sure I kept ahold of all Archer’s clothes from preemie to present, as well as his old crib, play mat, swing.... you name it I kept it all just in case! It’s going to save us a whole lot of money and shopping over the coming months but part of me is strangely disheartened by this fact. 

I wondered in the beginning if it was a little bit of gender disappointment- I’ll likely get into this in another post- but my preference initially had been for a second girl and I was super excited about another healthy baby boy but yes, part of me was a little sad about no more girls. Looking back I do realise in hindsight that this was a purely materialistic reaction. Having another girl would mean I could shop, as I had nothing of Islas left over and I feel shopping (even second hand as I often have for the children) is a big step in getting prepared and excited for a new arrival. I’m getting over this ridiculous concept by throwing myself into sorting and cleaning what we have, picking up token items here and there and hand making a lot of things for him. 

Another strange part of being pregnant with my third is the reaction of those around me. While I understand nothing will quite compare to how family and friends react to your first ever pregnancy and first little arrival (we noticed the second pregnancy was met with excitement yes, but definitely more muted as is natural) your third is an entirely new ball park. Instead of congratulations, the initial reaction from people is “you’re brave!” and comments about how “I’d never do it!” in regards to a third child. 

It doesn’t mean the third child is any less loved or anticipated but strangely it has had a little effect on how I feel. I feel a little sad for this baby- everyone wants him, we love him already... I am ridiculously excited to bring the final member of our family into the world- but I can’t help but feel guilty over the lack of fanfare. The midwife has me reassured that this guilt is mostly hormonal and that it’s normal for subsequent pregnancies to feel as though I’m “going through the motions” but it’s still there. 

Of course I am excited for baby number three. I’m excited for a loud house, being more squashed in bed in the morning than I already am and for Jack being wrapped around another little finger. I can’t shop or do much to prepare, and other people may not care as much as we’ve done it twice before already, and it may even feel a bit boring as it’s been such an easy pregnancy... but yes of course I’m excited. 

I know this post has been mostly rambling and a clearing of my thoughts but I’d love to know if anyone who reads here has felt even a little similar in their subsequent pregnancies?

All the best x

Exciting News! 12 Weeks Pregnant

I'm so happy to finally be able to write about this- it's been a long 8 weeks of waiting and I've found my mind going blank when it comes to blogging ever since we found out. How could I bring myself to write when I couldn't yet talk about the most exciting thing we have going on!

I'm extremely pleased to announce that myself and Jack are expecting our third bundle of joy. Three children! Are we crazy? Many probably think so- we already have one of each and as I addressed in my previous post about feeling broody, we weren't sure that it was really the norm to venture past two children anymore.

But yes, little one is definitely on the way and the whole family is thrilled.

I'm 12+5 writing this today, and yesterday we had our 12 week scan to make sure everything is developing well with the baby- I feel very blessed to say it is.

Pregnancy so far has been surprisingly easy. With my first pregnancy, I didn't have morning sickness but I did faint all the time, even from the beginning. With my second, I had severe Hyperemesis almost from day one and ended up with acute SPD which started to ache almost from the beginning as well. We were of course nervous for what this pregnancy would bring, but the hormone gods have blessed me and I haven't thrown up or fainted or ached once!

At most, I'm tired. Wrangling two small children when all I want to do is nap lately has been hard and for some reason they've both decided that bedtime and wake up time are on a brand new schedule. Add in that I do have to get up to pee most nights and I'm definitely getting desparate for the second trimester energy.

The hormones are however, causing me to have more spots than I ever had combined for all my teenage years. My hair is annoyingly oily and I'm yet to crack the code for how often to wash it without it being too often. Breast ache has subsided but was a huge niggle for the first two months.

I'm definitely already in maternity jeans. I showed fairly quickly with my prior pregnancies and this one is no exception- they do say subsequent pregnancies can show earlier and at nearly 13 weeks there is definitely no hiding it. My uterus is way above my pubic bone already and I can feel it like a hard ball when I lay on my stomach (something I miss at night already, boo).

I'm so excited for this journey and to share it with you all!

Should I feel guilty for being broody?

I'm extremely blessed. I have two beautiful children, who are both healthy and happy, and who I love with all of my heart. It was relatively easy to get pregnant, and despite suffering two miscarriages in my life, my fertility is normal. I can't complain really, right?

Despite all this, I do feel an almost painful urge to have more children. Just one more. I'm one of four myself, and felt it was a little too much.. but two has never felt enough. Often times, I wonder if I my desire for just one more is selfish. Shouldn't I just be happy with what I have? What would I do if I had one more and the feeling didn't pass like I believe it would?

It isn't anything to do with not feeling my children are enough- they are more than enough, they really do make my life worth living. I just can't help but feel like there's someone missing. I haven't met them, and there's a chance they'll never exist, but I really do sense them and pine for them.

Sometimes the feeling is overwhelming. I imagine Christmas in years to come, and I imagine it with a big family, outnumbered, loud and overwhelming but perfect. I imagine my youngest as a big brother. I imagine so much, that it would be easy to get caught up in "what ifs".

It may be hormones- I'm not 30 yet, so it isn't a factor of my biological clock ticking. The experts may say it is simply my natural urges, wanting me to be pregnant and to create life. My husband will say it is the fact I've forgotten how hard pregnancy and labour and the year after are (baby amnesia!). Maybe I feel as though time has slipped through my fingers.

I'm doing what I can to help the feelings level out, though I know they wont fully. I've spoken to Jack about it a lot, and got it all off my chest which has been an outstanding help. I'm being as proactive as I can to spend all my time and love with the children I do have. That said, there are times when I drive myself silly looking at their newborn photos and my old pregnancy photos... it's counterproductive of me I know, but as much as it makes the broodiness worse, it also reminds me that I have what I have.

I feel like I am constantly trying to justify myself. I feel I need to justify why I want another child, and that is it okay to want more children, and to reassure an imaginary person that I do love my life as it is but it just would be nice... it's so hard to not feel guilty for feeling like this.

It's on the table, and I suppose with life we just have to see what happens. I think the best thing I did in all this, was to talk to Jack about it as he never really understood that I wasn't joking when I'd mention number three.

So my question is really, should I be feeling guilty for how I feel? Or am I just over thinking what is a perfectly unselfish and normal way of feeling?

Let me know.

Our Rustic DIY Wedding

I can't believe I'm married!

When I met Jack, he wasn't overly sold on the concept of marriage, and it wasn't until we'd already had two children that he decided to pop the question and ask me to be his wife. It meant a lot to me- to fully declare how we felt to everyone else, as well as joining our families together officially. I'd legally get to take his name and share the name of my children.

We decided we wouldn't wait too long between getting engaged and actually getting hitched, and after viewing just two venues, we booked it for just over a year later! We chose one of the more beautiful sites local to us- The Danish Camp in Willington.. the site is by a river, surrounded by trees and fields and everything a nature lover could ask for. All solid wood and greenery and a huge lodge/marquee. Perfect for the theme we were going for.

We wanted our wedding to reflect us and who we are- we didn't want it to be too fancy, and we didn't want it to seem like we were trying hard to impress. We like the simple things, and we also wanted to keep it budget friendly so we could continue saving for a mortgage.

Much to any pinterest lovers delight, we went for a rustic wood and "forest" feel with all our decor, and re purposed and recycled most of it to fit the theme! Think lots of old jars, hessian, pallets and other wood features... I designed and created everything from invites to favour boxes and other than the clothes, pretty much everything was DIY!

For our flowers, we went to the local Sainsburys and walked out with £50 worth of bouquets- I just picked up colours and combinations I liked, as well as a whole ton of gyposphila. It took hours of trimming but we managed to create two larger bunches, two smaller posies and we had enough leftover to fill the jars and decorate around the room.

Our cake wasn't a hugely important part to us, as it was just the the cutting and I'd read so much can be wasted... I spent £30 on nice cupcakes and a larger "Cupcake" for the top from Tesco, and I think it was perfect! None went to waste as people could just grab them and have them througout the night.

I re purposed four pallets for the occasion. I sanded and stained them (with help from Jack and my Sister) and I used two for photo boards, with old baby and childhood photos of both me and Jack. The third, I used to hold the table plan I designed on photoshop (to match our invites and all the other wedding stationary I created at home!) and the final one I carefully painted to welcome our guests. Other than paint, all of this was free as the frames were donated by everyone we knew as well!

We even managed to find a beaten up old suitcase, which worked perfectly as a free card box once I'd given it a bit of a clean and thrown some flowers at it. We used a polaroid camera for our guest book, and I managed to find bulk sweets online to make a sweetie area for the guests!

It was the most beautiful day. Doing a DIY wedding is definitely straining as it takes so much time, and the end result feels so far away... but now it's over I'd definitely do it again in a heartbeat.

My Copper Coil FELL OUT!

This is a warning folks- this post is going to contain a lot of "tmi" and be a little graphic because yes, I am going to be talking about periods and fannies and birth control.... back away while you still can.

After the disaster of using nearly all of the hormonal birth control options over the last 8 years (think angry murderous cow at all times) I opted to get the copper coil following Archer's birth around 18 months ago.

Hormone free, up to ten years of retirement for the old baby box, and supposedly unnoticeable once it was in? Sign me up. I skipped off to the doctors and got it as soon as healthily possible. I was told there might be some discomfort ranging from a few hours to a few weeks tops, and that as long as I could feel the strings, I would be fine.

Now every month since then, I have to say, it has been like that scene from The Shining. For those who haven't seen this movie, basically they open the lift doors and there is a literal tsunami of blood that fills the corridor. This is not a metaphor, this has happened for 18 months straight. The doctor tutted a little and reassured me that yes heavier periods can be a side affect... but I am talking 13 days straight of not even being able to use a tampon or walk. I hold my hands up to women who go through this naturally without it being caused by birth control. You are true troopers.

The heaviness would leave me weak, depressed, unable to go out without the fear I'd be leaving a little breadcrumb trail of blood. It was horrific. But I could feel my strings, so nothing was wrong right?

Adding into this, was the fact that for 18 months I was absolutely certain I could feel it when getting intimate with Jack. It hurt so much, and it just felt like the thing was hitting me in the cervix from the inside and pinching- occasionally I'd move slightly and it would feel sharp.

In hindsight, I really should have seen the GP, but everything I'd been told and read about just said if I could find my strings, it was fine, and after yet another call we had arranged me an appointment in a fortnight to check it and remove it if I wanted.

But then the cramps started. We were walking around London, and honest to god it felt like early labour. My stomach was contracting, worsened by walking or sudden movements. I kept thinking I was constipated- I had an urge to push and nothing was moving. It was horrific, and pain killers wouldn't touch it. This went on for two whole days before I finally sat on the toilet again and tried to go to the bathroom and then it happened.

The thing actually fell down into the toilet.

The entire coil. Strings and all. All the copper. It looked massive!

I couldn't believe it- had my cervix and fanny literally opened 2 inches wide and it just fell out? Was I dying? Was it broken? Was I broken?

I phoned the doctor in a panic, who summarised that due to how it'd felt the last 18 months, it was probably in the wrong place the entire time and the contractions were my body literally rejecting it. Apparently, the chances of rejection again are heightened now. It's rare, but she wasn't even surprised and jokingly commented on the fact I could cancel my removal appointment now. I wasn't bloody laughing....

I actually gave birth to my birth control.

It's a relief that it's gone though, if I'm being honest. My stomach already feels better, as well as my downstairs. Everything changed as soon as it came out and clearly it was just something my body just didn't agree with. I'm hoping my monthly cycles settle down a little too now (though I'll have to cancel my stocks in Tampax now that I don't buy 4 boxes a month).

Has anyone else experienced this with the copper coil? Let me know!

Where has life taken us?

Well, time flies when you're having fun right? I'm ashamed to say this little blog of mine has been on the back burner for far too long. Only one post last year- how awful of me! But I mean it, we've really been having the most wonderful time and life has changed for us all in so many ways.

Last year, I spent 11 straight months planning our wedding essentially on my own (huge shout out to my little sister who had to put up with the brunt of me delegating tasks and complaining) and it was an experience I am so thankful for. There'll be a post shortly with all the gory and beautiful details.

We've had holidays, and many spontaneous weekends away and trips here and there. Anyone who knows me and Jack will know that we love a last minute decision- they're definitely the most fun.

Isla turned three last May, and in September she started preschool five days a week (only 3 hours mind you, but that just means two school runs in such a short period of time...usually in the rain) and also started performing and learning with a local professional ballet school- so that has been taking up a lot of our time as well!

Archer has changed so much, and looking back at my old blog posts about his development as a baby has left me secretly pining for the time to stop, or for another baby, or a puppy, or anything small as squishy to love and cherish...boo. He's walking, chattering away, cuddling, sleeping through the night when he feels like it (which is not often) and generally an all around big boy now. He turns two in June- how??

I think it's healthy to step back sometimes when it comes to blogging. I've been known to flit through hobbies as often as I change my sheets. This last year alone I've started teaching myself photography, tried to learn to knit, tried to crochet, tried to sew a memory quilt out of all the old baby clothes, tried to organise my house... the list is endless. I'm glad to finally have the time to come back and write again though. I find spilling my thoughts for a handful of people to skim through is such a good thing for the mind, and on top of that it saves me chewing Jack's ear off when he gets home because really I ramble about the most random things and he's actually taken to phoning me on the way home so I can get as much out as possible before he walks into the mad house craving silence.

I'm glad to be back.

Is it my fault she's shy?

When I was a child, I can remember feeling nervous in big groups. I would get very anxious about whether or not I would fit in, and I would panic and think about all the things that could go wrong. For a large period, I was terrified of going out or taking the bus or having to use the phone. Usually, once I acclimatised I was okay and I was quite good at smiling and pretending my heart wasn't trying to break out of my chest.

This reflects pretty heavily on my personality as an adult. I have pretty severe social anxiety and don't have very many friends at all- I've always panicked about what people think of me, reading between the lines and creating a situation in my head which leads me to believe people don't want to be around me.

In a lucid moment, I always know I'm being ridiculous and as I was as a child, I'm still very good at forcing myself to just get on with it.

The hardest part of it all, is seeing my toddler be shy. Once a super outgoing pre-walker who had no sense of "stranger danger" in the slightest, Isla is now terrified of new people and experiences. I take her to the soft play and she is very anxious about playing with other children.

You can see that she really wants to join in and be a part of it all, and she talks furiously about going to meet new friend and asking me if she can play with the boys and girls.. it's just once she's beside them she panics and runs back to me.

She is similar to how I was, and once she gets used to a new place or being around someone new, she can relax... but it's heartbreaking when she sobs into my lap and I don't know how to reassure her.

I honestly believe it is my fault. What if she has picked up the vibe from me? I've only taken her to toddler group twice and that is a new development that took me 24 months to be brave enough to do. Can she tell I'm terrified? I worry my own anxiety and shyness has stopped her getting socialised outside her circle of friends and family. I do try very very hard to make a point of being friendly and chatty to everyone we meet so she see's they aren't frightening.

I'm doing everything I can now. Isla recently had her 2.5 year review with the health visitor team who were shocked by how advanced her speech and mental development is. They said she is on par with a four year old but in order to keep her from playing up and struggling in future, I needed to try offer her more situations to "get it all out" and use her skills. So I took the plunge and have finally started taking her to toddler group every week.

It's a small step, but I'm already seeing improvements in her- she is keener on other children besides the ones she already knew, and she was even brave enough to play away from me at our last session.

If anyone has any tips or just knows what I'm going through do share in the comments or tweet me. I need some reassurance that it isn't forever and she won't always be shy...!

Thank you for reading.

Steph xo

What's in my Changing Bag- Baby & Toddler Edition

Now that I'm a mum of two, my changing bag has reverted back from a backpack full of snacks and a few nappies (when it was just Isla) to a whole sack of "just in case" items and "you never know" essentials.

Since there is a risk of either child ruining their clothes/needing the toilet/being hungry at any moment, I like to ensure I have something for all occurrences and keep the bag ready to go so I don't have to do the mad scrabble before we leave.

I got my bag off of Amazon- a brand called Kidzzone- and it looks close enough to handbag to still be fashionable, with a lovely waterproof inside and lots of pockets to lose biscuit crumbs in.

For the toddler:

• Spill Proof Cup: We use both the Nuby variety and the Munchkin 360
• Snacks: For nutrition and bribery purposes
• Spare pants and shorts/trousers: Potty training has gone well, but we still like to prepare for an accident just in case
• Spare outfit: Because you never know
• Fold up raincoat: If it's cold, Isla will wear a coat out but I like to keep something waterproof handy in case she isn't under the raincover on the pram
• Sun cream: This is for the baby too, to keep them both protected
• Sunglasses: For the rare sunny day
• Toys: We usually have a handful of cheap toys that Isla can fiddle with if she is stuck in the pram for a long time
• Plasters: Isla is a little bruiser and scrapes her knee every other day

For the baby:

• Nappies: I try to keep at least 5 in here for a day out, around one an hour and a half although he rarely needs changing that often
• Wipes: helpful for both the toddler and baby, for everything from bums to hands to wiping tables
• Nappy Cream: We use most brands, but at the moment we're using E45
• Muslin Clothes: For spit up, dribble, and Archer loves them to snuggle as he falls asleep. Also good as a cover for breastfeeding if it's windy or I want to cover up a bit
• Spare Outfit (x2): For the inevitable poo or puke explosions
• Spare dummy: Archer can shoot a dummy two metres through a crowded area, never to be seen again. 
• Sun & Winter hats: I keep both handy because British weather is ridiculous and unpredictable
• Coat: An easy to add layer if it gets cooler
• Nappy Bags: Great for stuffing dirty nappies in till you find a bin, and also to use as wet bags to bring home any soiled clothes or toys
• Travel Changing Mat: For if we can't find a baby change- any surface becomes suitable or cleaner at least

For mummy:

• Purse
• Hand santiizer
• Reusable breast pads
• Nipple cream
• Snack
• Sterilising anti-bac surface wipes

What's in your changing bag? If you have anything you can't live without let me know!

Steph xo