Saturday 16 February 2019

My Copper Coil FELL OUT!

This is a warning folks- this post is going to contain a lot of "tmi" and be a little graphic because yes, I am going to be talking about periods and fannies and birth control.... back away while you still can.

After the disaster of using nearly all of the hormonal birth control options over the last 8 years (think angry murderous cow at all times) I opted to get the copper coil following Archer's birth around 18 months ago.

Hormone free, up to ten years of retirement for the old baby box, and supposedly unnoticeable once it was in? Sign me up. I skipped off to the doctors and got it as soon as healthily possible. I was told there might be some discomfort ranging from a few hours to a few weeks tops, and that as long as I could feel the strings, I would be fine.

Now every month since then, I have to say, it has been like that scene from The Shining. For those who haven't seen this movie, basically they open the lift doors and there is a literal tsunami of blood that fills the corridor. This is not a metaphor, this has happened for 18 months straight. The doctor tutted a little and reassured me that yes heavier periods can be a side affect... but I am talking 13 days straight of not even being able to use a tampon or walk. I hold my hands up to women who go through this naturally without it being caused by birth control. You are true troopers.

The heaviness would leave me weak, depressed, unable to go out without the fear I'd be leaving a little breadcrumb trail of blood. It was horrific. But I could feel my strings, so nothing was wrong right?

Adding into this, was the fact that for 18 months I was absolutely certain I could feel it when getting intimate with Jack. It hurt so much, and it just felt like the thing was hitting me in the cervix from the inside and pinching- occasionally I'd move slightly and it would feel sharp.

In hindsight, I really should have seen the GP, but everything I'd been told and read about just said if I could find my strings, it was fine, and after yet another call we had arranged me an appointment in a fortnight to check it and remove it if I wanted.

But then the cramps started. We were walking around London, and honest to god it felt like early labour. My stomach was contracting, worsened by walking or sudden movements. I kept thinking I was constipated- I had an urge to push and nothing was moving. It was horrific, and pain killers wouldn't touch it. This went on for two whole days before I finally sat on the toilet again and tried to go to the bathroom and then it happened.

The thing actually fell down into the toilet.

The entire coil. Strings and all. All the copper. It looked massive!

I couldn't believe it- had my cervix and fanny literally opened 2 inches wide and it just fell out? Was I dying? Was it broken? Was I broken?

I phoned the doctor in a panic, who summarised that due to how it'd felt the last 18 months, it was probably in the wrong place the entire time and the contractions were my body literally rejecting it. Apparently, the chances of rejection again are heightened now. It's rare, but she wasn't even surprised and jokingly commented on the fact I could cancel my removal appointment now. I wasn't bloody laughing....

I actually gave birth to my birth control.

It's a relief that it's gone though, if I'm being honest. My stomach already feels better, as well as my downstairs. Everything changed as soon as it came out and clearly it was just something my body just didn't agree with. I'm hoping my monthly cycles settle down a little too now (though I'll have to cancel my stocks in Tampax now that I don't buy 4 boxes a month).

Has anyone else experienced this with the copper coil? Let me know!

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