The Ultimate Softplay Survival Guide

On a rainy day, with an empty schedule, you may find yourself wondering- should we take the little ones to the soft play? Even the name is suggestive of a warm, padded area in which a parent can set their little mite free to burn off energy in a lovely safe environment perfectly suited to them, while they enjoy a coffee and some peace.

It’s all a bloody lie. 

The truth about softplay is that it is a sticky, noisy battlefield that the inexperienced parent will leave in a hurry with the changing bag and child being dragged unceremoniously to the car, undoubtedly covered in someone else’s snot and tears. 

Want to survive? Keep reading. 

1. SOCKS

Socks are required for hygiene. Never assume this is an unnecessary rule, I guarantee the day you forget socks is the day someone steps in something disgusting underneath the ballpit balls. 

Of course, if you’re heading into softplay without prior planning, I can guarantee the only pair (or “close enough” pair) you can find will have a hole in, perfectly placed for a toe to pop out. Embrace it. Don’t let the tutty mums judge you and attempt to hide your feet under an infant- act like you MEANT to give that toe some air. Own it, and you’ll feel like you can do anything. 

2. THE BABY SECTION

If you’re interested in sitting around and watching your baby “try” to play by rolling near something vaguely resembling a padded slide, head to the baby section. Usually reserved for under 4’s, you can rest assured that they’re out of harms way for a while and finally have that hot cup of tea you’ve wanted for months. 

Until the “I don’t care” mums who are far too distracted by their phones and having a chat arrive along with a rambunctious and rather large child. Of course, no matter how close to adulthood that child is, they’re going to be clambering all over the baby section. If you glare and mumble loud enough, the child is usually embarrassed enough to leave and go to the (apparently) less appealing section for children their age. 

3. LIE

Of course, the best thing to do is lie. Don’t want to go? The soft play is closed. 

Don’t want to buy a snack or drink and you’ve been caught sneaking in 10p cartons of juice too many times to risk it again? The cafe section is closed. 

Don’t want to pay full child price for your newly turned one year old who hasn’t magically gained the ability to play like a big kid? Lie about their age for as long as possible!

As much as softplay does suck, and as hard as it is to survive at times, my children love it. They’ve just got to the magical stage where they bugger off and play alone for at least 15 minutes at a time and I trust they’re okay on quiet days. 

Even after the worst experience, something about being a parent makes you forget and you’ll be back- and now you’ll be ready.

Best Rides for Under 3's at Disneyland Paris

We were a little apprehensive about taking Archer and Isla to Disneyland initially. Isla is nearly four, but she is not the tallest in her class and she barely tops a meter. Archer is another ball game, as he is under two years old and much smaller than a meter.

There was little to no information online about what actual height limits were on all the rides, so is there much point taking such small children if they can't go on much?

Yes there is! There are so many things they can go on, so I'm listing the best rides for under 3's at Disneyland Paris right here for you.

1. It's a Small World

It's a strange one, and it's got that song that everyone loves to hate, but there is so much to look at that we were dragged on it 5 times by our little ones and didn't get bored.

2. Peter Pan's Flight

Try to get fast passes as this one is hugely popular, or get there as soon as the park opens... but it's so good! Fly in a ship over London and Neverland, no scary bits and plenty to keep children fascinated (a huge favourite for me as an adult as well).

3. Slinky Dog Zigzag Spin

They do ask your childs age for this one- it isn't to do with their height, they just want to know that they're old enough to hold their heads up as this one goes around and around pretty fast! Not too fast for little ones, but enough to be one of their first thrills.

4. Casey Jr's Circus Train

Remember that little train from Dumbo? They have it hidden in a corner of the main park, and it's great for kids and adults. Mine loved how fast it went around the track, and they get to pick which animal cage they sit in!

5. Dumbo's Flying Elephants

An absolute classic, and no doubt it's the one you've seen on all the adverts. Your little ones will love the views of Fantasyland with the maze and castle. If the queue's are too big and you want something similar, head over to the Studios and get on Aladdin's flying carpets- just as good!

6. Ratatouille: The Adventure

A 4D trackless ride that takes you running through the kitchens, the size of a rat! Archer kept his glasses on for the whole thing, and while a couple of bits may make your children jump (the chef is trying to catch you) it had Isla in hysterics. A fun ride if you have braver children.

7. Buzz Lightyear Laser Blast

If you've got a Toy Story fan (both of mine are!) and have already run through all of the Toy Story section in the Studio park, head over to the main park for this ride! Though the little ones are rubbish shots, they loved the rotatable cars and getting to try get Zurg, as well as all the other cameos from Buzz throughout!

There are plenty of walk through areas if you aren't sure if your child will like rides- such as Alice's Labyrinth and Aladdin's Enchanted Passage, and there are so many rides I haven't even listed that your children might like. 

Some are a bit scarier despite small children being big enough to ride (Snow White and Pirates of the Caribbean for example) but they let the parents judge that one, and surprisingly mine did pretty well on both even so young!

I hope this helps with your planning! Let me know if there are any rides you'd add to this list.

REAL tips for flying with toddlers!

Flying with toddlers. Flying with a lap toddler.... it doesn't sound fun.

Thankfully, our first flight was only an hour and a half long, but that doesn't even begin to cover any of the time dragging them through check in, security, milling around the departure lounge, heading to the gate, boarding the plane, sitting on the plane before and after take off, waiting to collect luggage... you catch my drift.

Airports are bloody boring if you're under 5 and have no money or patience. They're even more dreadful for the parents who have to endure those bored little people for half a day, even when the flight is "only" an hour and a half.

I've read so many posts with top tips for flying with small children and toddlers, but none of them truly touched on all that travelling by plane encompasses, so let's delve in and I hope that by the end of this post, if you're planning on flying with children you either change your mind (retreat!) or have a little more faith that you'll manage it.

When you first arrive at the airport:

Check in and luggage, security and of course...lines. Quite a lot of airlines these days allow you to check in early, so if you aren't checking luggage, chances are you're far more savvy than I am and you get to head right over to security. We did have luggage to check, because I am an over packer (plus we were getting tags to check our prams in at the gate, thank you for this huge convenience easyjet!).

The most important thing at this point, is to keep your little ones from going mad while they wait, because chances are there's a queue. I found with my oldest (she's nearly 4) the best thing to keep her mind occupied, was to invent jobs for her. She had her own little suitcase, and it was her job to wheel that along for example. Throw as many snacks as you can at them while they wait, promise them there is a McDonalds in the fabled departure lounge, and tell them they can watch as much Peppa Pig as they want on your phone. 

Also, make sure they wee before you start to line up because I promise you, they will decide they need one. Right away. Right before your turn with the X-Ray machine (especially if they've had to chug their drinks so they don't get binned!)

Departure Lounge:

If you manage to wrangle them through the X-Ray machines in security without a meltdown as they bin their water bottle, you've made it to the departure lounge. If you are lucky, unlike me, the promised McDonalds will buy you another 45 minutes of entertainment and a new toy. There was not a Maccas in the lounge when we flew, we had to sadly persuade the kiddies that Pret was just as good. It wasn't.

We watched planes, we gave Isla the job of watching when the board had new things appear, and we watched as much Peppa Pig on mummy's phone as we liked. Honestly, I keep repeating it. I'm not a fan of screens- my two don't get to use my phone or tablets, and they don't have their own and won't for a while. In the car, I tell them to look out the window... but at the airport, you gotta do what you gotta do to get by and just give in. Your sanity will thank you.

When it's finally time to get down to the gate, don't assume you don't need to move instantly. Yes, you have around 40 minutes before it leaves and before I had children, that was enough time to buy a magazine and a Toblerone before I wondered lazily away from the shops.... move move move- do it. We got to around 3 gates away before Archer decided it was prime pooping time and ended up at the back of the line to get on that silly little bus, Isla was wandering along with her little suitcase as slowly as she could and we just made it before they started boarding children.

On the plane:

I had a lap toddler. Archer is under two, so he had to be strapped to me. I used Netflix to "wifi free" download as many cartoons as I could onto my phone, and stuck it inches from his face in an attempt to keep him happy. He was lucky enough to get a go in the pilots seat in the cockpit before we took off, which meant while Jack was upfront with him I could get the bags and belts and older child all ready and settled.

Stickers, snacks, colouring (don't get round pencils, get the ridged edge ones so they don't roll off!) and cartoons were our saviours. If you bring things for them to do, take into account that they only stay focused for around 5-10 minutes before getting fidgety again.

Let them watch as much Peppa Pig as they want.

Being honest, nothing will prepare you for flying with children for the first time. I am no expert, but we did survive and we didn't piss off the people sitting around us too much and we all landed fairly happy but exhausted. Children get bored, it just happens, and no matter how you prepare, you never know how they'll handle a trip.

The real tip is don't beat yourself up or worry about the people around you, just focus on yourselves and try to enjoy it without letting the stress take over. They are people you will never see again and it'll be over before you know it.